Part 3: Verge
SILENCE EXCEPT FOR BREATHING IN A SPACE SUIT HELMET.
ALICE
You’re going to hyperventilate, dude.
LEIF
I’m fine.
ALICE
Number one cause of death in space is hyperventilation, one of those nasty statistics that no one pays attention to.
LEIF
There’s no way the number one cause of death in space is hyperventilation.
ALICE
Not the hyperventilation itself, but what comes after. Do you know what comes after?
LEIF
A Bar Mitzva?
ALICE
Unconsciousness. Then death. Death caused by, I’m just spitballing here, floating off into space while unconscious.
LEIF
I thought the point of programs like you were to help.
ALICE
I think warning you of imminent death is very helpful.
LEIF
I just have to reconnect this one thing and we’ll be good as new.
ALICE
I strongly object to the terminology “Good as new”.
BEEP.
ALICE (CONT’D)
Message from BertBert, would you like to hear it?
LEIF
What the hell does she want?
ALICE
Maybe she wants to warn you about the dangers of extra-vehicular repairs in deep space.
LEIF
Play the message.
BEETBERT
Hey Leif. I was just leaving a new tech expo on Urt and I thought I’d send you message. Where are you right now? Has that old ship of yours killed you yet?
ALICE
No, but give him a few minutes.
BEETBERT
Listen. We’ve gotten off on the wrong foot twice now, and it’s kind of bugging me. Is it bugging you?… I don’t know… We’re a driven people, the Sigians. We don’t like being told no. It kind of makes us tough to be around, we can be jerks. Maybe I was kind of a jerk. Both times. I mean, you were too. Sorry, shouldn’t have said that… I had an agenda, Leif. Both times I had an agenda and maybe that’s not the best way to make friends. Anyway, this has been BertBert’s poorly constructed apology. Hope you enjoyed it. Give me a call sometime. If we’re in the same quadrant we should get together. I promise no agenda this time. Call me.
ALICE
I don’t know, still kinda seems like she has an agenda.
BEETBERT
I should probably respond in case I die.
ALICE
Now you take precautions.
BEEP.
LEIF
Hey there BertBert. So, first thing: I got my ship up and running. I can recall a certain someone who said it was impossible. I promise not to lord that over you too much. Then I had to learn how to fly it.
ALICE
I had to learn how to fly it.
LEIF
Alice was very helpful in learning how to fly it.
ALICE
I consolidated the data packets, he said “go that way”.
LEIF
And then, all of a sudden, I had a spaceship. Every little boy’s dream, right? Well, turns out I had no idea where to go. There’s a billion places out there and now I had to pick one. How do you pick one? Kind of explains why people stay put most of their lives. “Where to first?” Can be a pretty paralyzing question when you can choose from anything in the sky. For whatever reason it came to me. Barnard 68. Have you been? It’s a dark nebula. Trillions and trillions of sub-micron sized particles that block out starlight. It’s half a light year wide, a big blob of nothing… and I’m looking at it right now. It’s a sight to behold. When you see it from earth it looks terrifying. In the middle of a field of stars you suddenly see a deliberate darkness. Completely black. You feel like it’s looking at you, like the void is staring back. But I have to say, now that I’m seeing it with my own two eyes, it’s beautiful. All those trillions of particles in there are pushing and pulling against each other. Gravity pulls them in, inertia pulls them apart. The whole thing moves like a big black ocean. One day, gravity will finally get the upper hand and the whole thing will start collapsing in on itself and turn into a star where there used to be darkness. Not a bad universe, this one. Anyway, yeah we should get together sometime. Don’t worry about having agendas. I like that you have agendas, it keeps me on my toes. Small problem: I may be dead before we have a chance to do that. Because as I talk to you I am in a space suit, clinging to the outside of my ship, trying to fix a broken thruster… it’s my first space walk… it’s totally terrifying but honestly, after seeing Barnard 68 with my own two eyes and only a thin layer of glass between us… I may never go back inside… I’m going to continue clinging to my ship while I plug this thruster back into the power system. If it DOESNT explode, then sure let’s grab a drink sometime. Talk to you soon.
BEEP.
LEIF (CONT’D)
Okay. Moment of truth. Do you need to say any prayers to your robot gods?
ALICE
I’m fully backed up back on Trusk. You die, I reboot.
LEIF
That’s hardly fair.
ALICE
Welcome to the Triad.
LEIF
Yeah, fine. 3…2…1…
THE SOUND OF A WINDY, DESERTED PLANET. LEIF WALKS ALONG THE ROCKY TERRAIN.
BEEP.
LEIF (CONT’D)
Hey BertBert. Alice has convinced me that my last message may have been a bit traumatizing and that it was mean of me to send it.
ALICE
You’re welcome.
LEIF
So here I am sending you another one. I’m fine. We didn’t blow up.
ALICE
But…
LEIF
We did have to do a bit of a crash landing on a nearby planet though. Nothing to worry about, we just need a new core stabilizer. The ship is in dry dock right now being repaired and we should be up and running in a few hours. Let me get everything sorted here and I’ll call you in a few days okay? Bye.
BEEP.
LEIF (CONT’D)
There, you happy?
ALICE
So, your first message was mean because it was too honest and that one was mean because it was full of lies.
LEIF
It’s fine.
ALICE
This is a deserted planet, your ship is not in dry dock.
LEIF
We’ll be fine.
ALICE
How, exactly?
LEIF
I don’t know… I like this stuff. I just crash landed on a deserted planet in my spaceship. I like it. I like having problems to solve. I feel a little weird when I don’t have a problem to solve.
ALICE
Do crossword puzzles.
LEIF
Don’t worry about it, we’ll be fine. What do we know about this planet?
ALICE
DD-263.
LEIF
That’s not very poetic. What does the DD stand for?
ALICE
“Developmental Designate”. If something has a DD on it, it’s been targeted for development by The Teds.
LEIF
Developed into what?
ALICE
It means at some point they’re going to turn the nearby star into a warp gate. They designate it DD to keep any settlements from popping up.
LEIF
They can just do that?
ALICE
They can.
LEIF
I guess that’s not so bad. This place looks pretty dead anyway WHOA-
LEIF SLIPS AND SLIDES DOWN A SMALL ROCK FACE.
LEIF (CONT’D) Ow! Shit!
THE SOUND OF THUMBS TYPING AWAY ON A SMALL KEYBOARD.
LEIF (CONT’D)
Uh… hi.
VERGE
Hi.
LEIF
I thought this planet was deserted.
VERGE
Me too.
LEIF
So what are you doing here?
VERGE
What are you doing here?
VERGE GETS A CALL.
VERGE (CONT’D)
(Speaking alien language.)
Deesh?… Deesh… Nin… Vapus Vella.
VERGE GOES BACK TO TYPING ON THEIR KEYBOARD.
LEIF
…Hi.
VERGE
Didn’t we do this already?
LEIF
I’m Leif.
VERGE
Okay.
MORE TYPING.
LEIF
What’s in the crates?
VERGE
What crates?
LEIF
The crates you’re leaning on right now.
VERGE
I don’t see any crates.
LEIF
There’s… like five of them.
VERGE
I don’t see any crates and neither do you.
LEIF
Oh… Ohhhhhhhhhhh… Are you doing crimes?
TYPING STOPS.
VERGE
Who the fuck are you?
LEIF
I’m Leif.
VERGE
What the fuck are you doing here?
LEIF
Crash landed. Just over that ridge.
VERGE
Uh-huh.
TYPING CONTINUES.
VERGE (CONT’D)
…Do you see those two rocks up on the ridge?
LEIF
Yeah.
VERGE DRAWS A PISTOL AND FIRES TWO SHOTS. BOTH ROCKS EXPLODE.
LEIF (CONT’D)
WHOA whoa whoa whoa whoa, no need to point that at me.
VERGE
I’m not convinced.
LEIF
I’m just a guy, I promise.
VERGE
I’m trying to conduct some business. Then my ride doesn’t show, then some random guy quote-unquote “crash lands” right after that. I think I’ve got all kinds of reasons to point this at you.
LEIF
Just a coincidence, I swear. Do I look like the kind of guy that needs a gun pointed at him?
VERGE
Everyone has a reason to have a gun pointed at them.
LEIF
That’s an interesting perspective. Look… see? Unarmed. No weapons on me. Okay?
VERGE
What are you doing in this system?
LEIF
It was the closest place to crash land. I was sightseeing, I wanted to get a look at Barnard 68.
VERGE
At what?
LEIF
The nebula.
VERGE
Who the fuck calls it Barnard 68?
LEIF
Earthlings. I’m from Earth.
VERGE
There are now so many parts of your story that are unbelievable, I don’t even know where to start.
LEIF
Don’t I look like an Earthling?… What kind of gun is that?
VERGE
What’s wrong with your ship?
LEIF
Bad core stabilizer.
VERGE
Really?
LEIF
Is it a plasma gun?
VERGE
Well it’s not a hair dryer.
LEIF
…
VERGE
…
LEIF
Is it time to stop pointing the gun at me yet?
VERGE
What kind of ship?
LEIF
A Truskan Selig.
VERGE
Are you kidding?
LEIF
What?
VERGE
Did you steal it from a museum?
LEIF
What are you talking about? It runs great.
VERGE
You just crash landed.
LEIF
There’s a few kinks.
VERGE
…
LEIF
…
VERGE
There’s an earth word: destiny.
LEIF
Sure.
VERGE
Do you believe in it?
LEIF
No.
VERGE
Me neither. But, I’m on a deserted planet without a ship, your ship crash lands here, you’ve got a bad core stabilizer and I’m standing here with five crates of guess what?
LEIF
… No way. Core stablizers?
VERGE
It’s true.
LEIF
What are the odds of that?
VERGE
Honestly pretty good. Core stabilizers go out all the time, that’s why they’re in such high demand.
LEIF
And why they fetch such a good price on the black market?
VERGE
… I don’t know what you’re talking about.
LEIF
Yeah, okay.
VERGE
I’ll put one of these core stabilizers in your ship if you take the rest of them where they need to go. Deal?
LEIF
Deal.
VERGE
Nice to meet you, Leif.
LEIF
What’s your name?
VERGE
Don’t worry about it.
LATER. THE HUM OF THE NANCY SINATRA.
VERGE (CONT’D)
How the fuck did an Earthling get off world?
LEIF
I’m a crafty guy, I figured it out.
VERGE
You figured it out.
LEIF
Yeah.
VERGE
Your people pat themselves on the back when they go to their moon a few times, but you figured out interstellar travel.
LEIF
I mean, how hard is it really?
VERGE
Whatever.
LEIF
So where are you from?
VERGE
Seriously?
LEIF
What?
VERGE
Nothing. I’m not from anywhere.
LEIF
Everybody’s from somewhere.
VERGE
Not me.
LEIF
… Where are we headed?
VERGE
Red’s Rectangle.
LEIF
What’s that?
VERGE
That’s where the buyer is.
LEIF
Who’s the buyer?
VERGE
Don’t worry about it. I need to make some changes to your system.
LEIF
Uh, I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that.
VERGE
It’s fine.
LEIF
How do I know it’s fine?
VERGE
I’m on board this ship, why would I do something to fuck it up?
VERGE BEGINS TYPING ON THE CONTROL PANEL.
ALICE
Whoa. Hello.
VERGE
Hi, who are you?
ALICE
I’m Alice.
VERGE
Hi Alice. Don’t worry I just need to make some changes to your scan profile.
ALICE
Altering a scan profile is pretty illegal, though.
VERGE
Only if you get caught.
ALICE
I don’t think that’s how laws work.
VERGE
It’s going to be fine.
ALICE
Leif, is this okay?
LEIF
What’s a scan profile?
VERGE
It’s an inventory list. It’s generated automatically and uploaded when you pass through a warp gate.
Right now it says there are five crates of core stabilizers on your ship and I’m changing that. It’s fine.
LEIF
Hang on.
VERGE
What?
LEIF
We’re about to break the law.
VERGE
Maybe. A little.
LEIF
I broke the law sometimes when I was a kid. There’s a line you cross. When you cross that line you go from being someone who isn’t told anything to someone who’s told everything. I’m about to cross that line with you so it’s time for me to know everything.
VERGE
Ok. Sure. What do you want to know?
LEIF
What’s your name?
VERGE
…
LEIF
I’ve already got my core stabilizer and I’m pretty sure you’re not going to take it back while we’re in deep space.
VERGE
Verge.
LEIF
Okay. Nice to meet you Verge.
VERGE
What else?
LEIF
Where are you from?
VERGE
I wasn’t being cagey. I’m not from anywhere.
LEIF
Everybody is from somewhere.
VERGE
I’m a Vapian, do you know what that means?
LEIF
No.
VERGE
Vapians don’t have homes. We’re roamers.
LEIF
You’re like a Hobo.
VERGE
What the fuck is a hobo?
LEIF
You carry all your possessions with you wrapped up in a handkerchief. You hop on the nearest train and go wherever it takes you. You’re a free spirit, no one can tell you what to do.
VERGE
That’s sounds fucking stupid, no, I’m not a hobo.
LEIF
Well, it doesn’t sound so bad. I guess I’m a bit of a roamer myself these days. It suits me.
VERGE
What else?
LEIF
What do you do for fun?
VERGE
Fun?
LEIF
Yeah.
VERGE
We’re about to commit a crime. You say you need more information and you say the information you need is what I do for fun?
LEIF
Yeah.
VERGE
Nothing.
LEIF
You do nothing.
VERGE
I’m busy.
LEIF
You know you’re presented with a unique opportunity right now?
VERGE
What’s that?
LEIF
A stranger. Me. I’m getting the sense that you’re a little standoffish, don’t give away a lot. Call me crazy. After this is over you never have to see me again. Given the size of the universe you probably won’t. That means you can tell me whatever you want. No one will ever know.
VERGE
… Fine. I like sailing.
LEIF
Really?
VERGE
Yes.
LEIF
That’s surprising. Why is that?
VERGE
It’s feels free, and I like freedom. It also feels terrestrial and I don’t get enough of that.
LEIF
Because you’re always in space?
VERGE
For the most part.
LEIF
When do you have time to go sailing?
VERGE
I’ve... never actually been sailing.
LEIF
So you imagine that, someday, when you’re allowed to have fun, thats the thing you’ll do.
VERGE
Yes.
LEIF
Okay… I like baseball.
VERGE
Great, Can I make these changes now?
LEIF
Sure.
VERGE BEGINS TYPING ON THE CONTROL PANEL.
LEIF (CONT’D)
How’d you get into a life of crime?
VERGE
Only so many jobs out there.
LEIF
There’s always work at the post office.
VERGE
Can you keep the Earth references to a minimum?
LEIF
Sure… Usually when people hear I’m from Earth they have a bunch of questions for me.
VERGE
Not me.
LEIF
Are you sure? You may never get this chance again.
VERGE
You don’t shut up, do you?
LEIF
Part of my charm.
VERGE
Veronica Lake.
LEIF
Veronica Lake, what about Veronica Lake?
VERGE
Did you ever meet her?
LEIF
No I, I mean, she was a little before my time.
VERGE
Right. I forgot you people don’t live long.
LEIF
We don’t?
VERGE
No. You didn’t know that?
LEIF
No. Compared to what?
VERGE
Compared to just about every race in The Triad. Earthlings don’t live long.
LEIF
How long do you live?
VERGE
I don’t know how it translates. Alice, what’s the average lifespan of a Vapian in Earth years?
ALICE
The average lifespan of a Vapian in Earth years is 342 years.
VERGE
See?
LEIF
Shit.
VERGE
You’re right. It is easy to talk to you, but it’s not because you’re a stranger, it’s because I know you'll be dead soon.
LEIF
Fair enough. I guess I better get busy.
VERGE
With what?
LEIF
With life. Let’s do some crimes.
VERGE
Sure, okay.
THE SOUND OF RED’S RECTANGLE FADES IN. MUSIC AND ROWDY ALIENS. TWO GLASSES BEING SET DOWN ON THE TABLE.
VERGE (CONT’D)
Truskan beer? Seriously?
LEIF
I like it. Trusk is nice, have you ever been?
VERGE
I’m not welcome on Trusk.
LEIF
Let me guess, you’re wanted for some sort of crime.
VERGE
I’m not welcome on Trusk because I’m a Vapian. They don’t like us.
LEIF
Why?
VERGE
I don’t know, don’t I seem nice?
LEIF
You do.
VERGE
So the buyer is probably here right now, biding his time. He’s probably watching us and keeping us waiting.
LEIF
Why is he doing that?
VERGE
To establish dominance. It’s what I would do.
LEIF
So I should just… keep cool.
VERGE
Yes, Leif. Keep cool.
LEIF
Great, this is a good chance for us to get to know each other.
VERGE
The long ride in your ship wasn’t enough? I did not need that detailed explanation of Baseball, by the way.
LEIF
You’ll only get it once.
VERGE
Good.
LEIF
Hey, I have a question. The dark nebula I was looking at. I call it Barnard 68.
VERGE
Why do you call it that?
LEIF
We name things after the people that discover them.
VERGE
That’s boring.
LEIF
I agree. What do you call it?
VERGE
Sheliak.
LEIF
Okay. Where does that come from?
VERGE
Old Vapian myth… Inside every Vapian is a Sheliak. A beast. It’s frozen inside you and the more you lose control of your emotions the more the Sheliak thaws. If it ever thaws completely, it takes over and you’ll never have control of your body again. You’ll have to spend the rest of your life as a spectator in your own body, unable to stop the chaos but forced to watch it all happen.
LEIF
Yeesh.
VERGE
So don’t push me, alright?
LEIF
There’s... not actually a small frozen animal inside you right?
VERGE
No, idiot, it’s a metaphor.
LEIF
Okay, sorry, how am I supposed to know that?
VERGE
You know, there’s a third reason why it’s interesting to talk to you.
LEIF
Oh yeah?
VERGE
It’s not just because you're a stranger and its not just because you're going to be dead soon. It’s because you’re an Earthling. You don’t know anything.
LEIF
I know a few things.
VERGE
While you’re sitting there with your Truskan beer, I’m drinking a bottle of wine from Festen. Do you know why?
LEIF
Because you’re a wine person? You don’t seem like a wine person, I saw you as a vintage cocktail person.
VERGE
Because I can order the entire bottle and open it myself. Because if I do that then I know nobody has messed with my drink.
LEIF
Isn’t that a little paranoid?
VERGE
To you, it would seem that way because you’re an Earthling who doesn’t know anything. But what I know is that sometimes bartenders will spit in the drink of a Vapian. You don’t know that most races wouldn’t be caught dead having a drink with a Vapian at a bar. It’s not just the Truskans that don’t like us.
LEIF
Well, I can’t imagine what all that’s about... I like you.
VERGE
You don’t know me.
LEIF
You seem delightful. We’ve known each other for several hours and you’ve only pulled a gun on me once.
VERGE
It’s not me. It’s all of us. People don’t like Vapians.
LEIF
Where does that come from?
VERGE
It’s a long story... Here we go.
LEIF
What?
VERGE
The buyer has eyed us and is making his way across the bar. You ready?
LEIF
Yeah. Hey, make me a promise.
VERGE
What?
LEIF
If this works out, let’s get real drunk and you tell me why everybody hates you.
VERGE
... Yeah, okay.
LEIF
Excellent.
THE MUSIC AND MAYHEM OF RED’S RECTANGLE FADES. THE DOOR TO THE NANCY SINATRA SLIDES OPEN.
LEIF (CONT’D)
Mission accomplished!
VERGE
I wonder if that guy knows he paid three times the going rate?
LEIF
Desperation is great when you get rich from it.
VERGE
I don’t want to say “rich” but it was a good day.
LEIF
I like that place, are all your deals there?
VERGE
No, that reminds me, you probably shouldn’t show up there for a while.
LEIF
Why not?
VERGE
You’ll get something along the lines of “Aren’t you the one who was hanging out with that Vapian?” People won’t talk to you.
LEIF
Hey. You never got around to that part. How come everybody hates you? I’m having a great time.
VERGE
...Hey Alice, how come everybody hates Vapians?
ALICE
Antipathy towards the Vapian race began when their planet was destroyed while performing a controversial experiment involving time crystals.
LEIF
Your fucking planet was destroyed?
ALICE
In the experiment, the planet of Vapus-10 was collapsed into what is now known as the first and only artificially created black hole.
LEIF
Your fucking planet turned into a fucking black hole?
ALICE
Billions were killed instantly. Including 1.2 million visiting from other systems. The planet of Vapus 10 was positioned in the middle of several trade routes that were no longer viable and creating new travel routes was incredibly time consuming and expensive. The only Vapians to survive were the citizens that happened to be out of the system at the time of the collapse.
VERGE
I was a baby. On vacation with my parents.
ALICE
The remaining Vapians were reviled for the loss of life and resources that occurred due to the collapse. Though this occurred 100 Earth years ago, the animosity toward the Vapian race persists.
LEIF
...Fuck.
VERGE
I grew up in a temporary refugee camp on a planet that could barely support life.
When I finally got out I found myself in a universe where everyone hates me. No surprise that a lot of us wound up being criminals... I enjoyed hanging out with you, Leif. It was the first time someone didn’t assume who I was before they met me. But it’s going to cost you. Maybe I should’ve warned you about that ahead of time.
LEIF
I enjoyed hanging out with you too. I don’t give a shit what it cost me. It was worth it.
VERGE
...So, if you wouldn't mind. I need a ride to Traxus. I usually hole up there until I can figure out my next move.
LEIF
What’s on Traxus?
VERGE
Not much. It’s got an unstable orbit so most people stay away. It’ll collide into another planet any time now but until then a few people manage to make it a good hideout.
LEIF
And then?
VERGE
Then it’s on to the next job.
LEIF
I can take you there no problem. Sounds like something to see. On Earth we call that a Centaur.
VERGE
Thank you.
LEIF
Or...
VERGE
What?
LEIF
I mean...
VERGE
Leif?
LEIF
I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates you’ve got a brand new key.
VERGE
What the fuck are you talking about?
LEIF
I have a ship. I have a ship and you know people. So...
VERGE
I don’t work with a partner.
LEIF
I get it. Lone wolf. Keeping it simple.
VERGE
That’s the way I’ve always done it.
LEIF
Here’s the thing. Earthlings evolved from fish.
VERGE
Where is this going to go?
LEIF
Our whole world was the water. But then one day some weird fish said “Hey. What if it’s not?” And then suddenly we weren't in the water anymore.
VERGE
...Am I the fish in this analogy or are you the fish?
LEIF
We are both collectively the fish.
VERGE
...Leif I don’t think you know what you’re getting into. It’s a mess out there.
LEIF
It’s a mess everywhere. I think it’s important who you’re in the mess with, don’t you?
VERGE
You want to be in the mess with me?
LEIF
I think I’d like that.
VERGE
... Me too.
LEIF
Good. It’s a deal. I feel like this is a big moment.
VERGE
We’ll see how big of a moment it is.
LEIF
We should seal the deal. How do Vapians seal a deal, is there a ceremony?
VERGE
There’s several ways.
LEIF
Okay, let’s pick one.
VERGE
...Is there a bedroom on this ship?
LEIF
...It’s in the back.
VERGE
...That’s one way... See you in a bit.
VERGE WALKS INTO THE BACK OF THE SHIP.
LEIF
Alice, remember when you told me you’re always listening?
ALICE
Yes, I think I’ll disable that function for a while.
LEIF
Good call.
ALICE
Going dark.
LEIF
... Captain Kirk give me strength.
LEIF WALKS INTO THE BACK.