Part 3: The Wayfaring Stranger
WE ONCE AGAIN HEAR THE SOUNDS OF THE BREAKFAST RUSH AT THE SHEEP’S EYE. VERGE STANDS OUTSIDE.
ELDIN
Just so we’re clear...
VERGE
Yes?
ELDIN
You’re going to sit down with these Earthlings and just... tell them everything.
VERGE
I don’t know about everything but I’m going to answer their questions.
ELDIN
Uh huh...
VERGE
What?
ELDIN
Well I’m no expert or anything.
VERGE
Eldin.
ELDIN
I’m no expert but it does feel like this falls outside of your usual modus operandi.
VERGE
Does it?
ELDIN
Do you disagree?
VERGE
I slew a gigantic hell beast in their parking lot last night, I don’t think I’d be able to explain that away.
ELDIN
And your usual modus operandi would be to pack up immediately and head for one of many hiding spots, wouldn’t it?
VERGE
... I suppose.
ELDIN
And yet.
VERGE
And yet.
ELDIN
... Would you like a reminder of how vulnerable the information systems are on this planet?
VERGE
Not really.
ELDIN
Everyone is basically walking around naked.
VERGE
I know.
ELDIN
From a data security perspective.
VERGE
I get it.
ELDIN
And yet.
VERGE
And yet.
ELDIN
... One of my directives is to make sure you’re not killed.
VERGE
And I appreciate it, Eldin.
ELDIN
So I’m sure you can imagine how attracting attention on this planet is in conflict with that directive.
VERGE
I understand.
ELDIN
Then what the fuck, Verge?
VERGE
Relax.
THE DOOR TO THE SHEEP’S EYE OPENS AND DEIDRE EMERGES.
DEIDRE
Okay, a Breakfast Burrito and a short stack. Enjoy, guys... Oh, hey.
VERGE
Hello, there.
DEIDRE
How was your night?
VERGE
Interesting.
DEIDRE
Interesting good?
VERGE
Sure.
DEIDRE
I owe you a drink.
VERGE
You do.
DEIDRE
Have you come to collect?
VERGE
I hear drinking in the morning is frowned on around here.
DEIDRE
Maybe by some people, not by anyone in the four walls behind me.
VERGE
Alright... Do you have anything spicy in there?
DEIDRE
...All sorts of things.
VERGE
Great. I have to sit down with Frank and June for a bit, but I’ll come see you later.
DEIDRE
Okay.
DEIDRE WALKS BACK INSIDE.
ELDIN
Oh yes, it’s all becoming clear to me now.
VERGE
What?
ELDIN
No, no, don’t mind me, don’t let me interrupt you dipping your toe in the local finery.
VERGE
Finery?
ELDIN
The local peasantry? The local flavor? What would you like me to call it?
VERGE
Call what?
ELDIN
I’m sorry, I’d love to continue this conversation but I need to, real quick, tally up the list of bounties you have on your head.
VERGE
You worry too much.
ELDIN
YOU worry too much. Suddenly you’re not. I don’t like it.
VERGE
What are you going to do, tender your resignation?
ELDIN
We agreed that coming here would require keeping a low profile, now you’re spilling the beans with the local proprietors and beginning some sort of mating ritual with one of the local idiots.
VERGE
Quiet down. Here they come.
JUNE
Hey, Verge.
VERGE
Hello there... Heck of a night last night.
FRANK
Yeah, sure, heck of a night. Why don’t we get down to business, okay?
VERGE
Ok.
JUNE
Let’s sit.
VERGE
Great.
THEY PULL THREE CHAIRS OUT FROM A TABLE AND SIT. THERE IS A LONG PAUSE.
VERGE (CONT’D)
Frank, I get the sense that if I start this conversation you’re going to want to take control of it as soon as possible so why don’t you go ahead and start?
FRANK
... Okay... What I witnessed last night, what we witnessed was you brandishing, what could only be described as, a ray-gun.
VERGE
I think you could find a few more ways to describe it, but yes. That is what you witnessed. And what I witnessed last night was a monstrous dog. That I killed. And when I killed it, it exploded into a dozen smaller dogs.
JUNE
Twnety-one dogs, actually.
FRANK
That is what you saw, yes.
VERGE
Okay. Afterwards I did some looking into it, and one big dog exploding into twenty one smaller dogs is NOT a common occurrence on this planet.
FRANK
Yes, and I can tell you from experience, whatever Buck Rodgers nonsense you performed last night is also not a common occurrence on this... on this planet, you said “on this planet.”
VERGE
Yes. Yes I did... buried the lede, I guess.
FRANK
...
JUNE
... Holy shit.
VERGE
... I heard about this Earthling. Enrico Fermi. He had some theory about life on other planets. He said, if there are so many habitable planets out there, well then where is everybody?... Hi.
FRANK
...
JUNE
... Frank’s going to need a minute.
VERGE
Take all the time you need.
JUNE
I, however, do not need a minute. Let’s get into it.
VERGE
Okay.
JUNE
You’re an alien.
VERGE
Yes.
JUNE
Where are you from?
VERGE
Space.
JUNE
What’s the name of your planet?
VERGE
It was called Vapus.
JUNE
Was?
VERGE
It was destroyed.
JUNE
Your planet was destroyed?
VERGE
Yes.
JUNE
How?
VERGE
An experiment gone wrong.
JUNE
You blew up your planet?
VERGE
Kind of. It’s a black hole now.
JUNE
It’s a black hole now?!
VERGE
Yes.
JUNE
How did you survive?
VERGE
I was just a kid, I was on vacation with my parents.
JUNE
Then where do you live?
VERGE
Nowhere.
JUNE
Nowhere?
VERGE
Someone described it to me once. A hobo?
JUNE
Oh. So you just kind of wander around?
VERGE
Not wander really. I have a complicated assortment of hideouts.
JUNE
Hideouts. Why are you hiding out?
VERGE
Bounty hunters.
JUNE
...Space bounty hunters?
VERGE
Yes.
JUNE
Holy shit. Okay. Why? Are you a space criminal attracting space bounty hunters?
VERGE
You don’t have to put “space” in front of every noun.
JUNE
Oh yes I do, Verge. Why are the space bounty hunters space hunting you?
VERGE
I’m worth a lot of money, let’s leave it at that.
JUNE
How did you get here?
VERGE
In my ship.
JUNE
You... you have a space ship?
VERGE
Yes.
JUNE
Where?
VERGE
It’s across the road from your hotel. In the trees.
JUNE
Get the fuck out.
VERGE
It is.
JUNE
How come people can’t see it? Wait... a cloaking device?
VERGE
Yes.
JUNE
(Trying to keep it together.)
This is... the most awesome shit I’ve ever heard in my life!
VERGE
Frank, how are you doing over there?
FRANK
I was hoping you were from the secret military base nearby.
VERGE
There’s a secret military base nearby?
FRANK
No.
VERGE
... My turn?
FRANK
Yes, go ahead.
VERGE
What the fuck was happening in your parking lot last night?
FRANK
... It’s never been the most normal town in the world but... A few days ago a.... A diner showed up in our parking lot.
VERGE
A diner?
FRANK
Yes.
VERGE
Aha.
FRANK
I know, it sounds ridiculous... ever since then, things have been getting a little weird here in town.
VERGE
... That doesn’t sound so ridiculous.
FRANK
Really? This is a common occurrence in your world?
VERGE
... It was called Midnight Burger.
FRANK
Shit. Yes. You know what I’m talking about?
VERGE
Looks like we have a mutual friend.
JUNE
We do?
VERGE
... Leif.
FRANK
Leif, which one was Leif?
JUNE
The guy on the roof.
FRANK
You know him?
VERGE
He was the one who sent me here. He said it was a nice place, he said I might like it.
JUNE
How do you know him?
VERGE
It’s a long story.
JUNE
Oh, Okay... I get it.
FRANK
... The diner, they warned us that things were going to get weird here. Something about damage to the fabric of space/time.
VERGE
They said it was going to make dogs explode into other dogs?
FRANK
No, they couldn’t tell us how, they just said that it might get weird.
VERGE
Okay. I think we can confirm that, right?
FRANK
Yeah.
VERGE
What else has been happening?
FRANK
Um...
JUNE
The other day we had an encounter with a bandit.
VERGE
You have bandits here?
JUNE
A bandit from about a hundred and seventy-five years ago.
VERGE
Oh really?
JUNE
Relentless Rick.
VERGE
Relentless Rick?
JUNE
Yes.
VERGE
That’s a little much.
JUNE
I mean, he was pretty relentless.
FRANK
And then you showed up.
JUNE
But honestly, being visited by aliens is the most normal of the three.
FRANK
So you’re only here because you heard it was nice?
VERGE
Yes. And quiet. Which it is. If you overlook the whole two-ton dog part.
JUNE
You look human.
VERGE
I’m in disguise.
JUNE
What, are you wearing a wig or something?
VERGE
I’m wearing an Earthsuit. It disguises me on Earth.
JUNE
So what, you can unzip yourself and you’re a little green man on the inside?
VERGE
Actually Vapians look really similar to Earthlings aside from two very key details. The Earthsuit hides those two things. Everything else is me.
JUNE
What are the two things?
VERGE
Mind your business.
FRANK
Okay, I’m going to go ahead and put a stop this conversation because... because what the fuck... Verge, thank you for what you did last night, I’m pretty sure we’d be dead if you hadn’t have...
VERGE
Used my ray gun?
FRANK
Yes.
VERGE
Don’t mention it.
FRANK
Fucking aliens... sure.
VERGE
Sure.
FRANK
You’re welcome here as long as you want okay? Just... if you’re going to plant eggs in someone’s throat or something we would like a heads up.
VERGE
Oh Frank, it’s been years since I planted my eggs in someone’s throat, don’t worry about it.
JUNE
Do you seriously do that?
VERGE
No, June.
JUNE
How the fuck am I supposed to know?
FRANK
Shit. I forgot.
JUNE
What?
FRANK
I have to go talk to Trinkett.
JUNE
Oh good. This means you’ll be in a great mood for the rest of the day.
FRANK
Goddamnit.
VERGE
Who’s Trinkett?
JUNE
Frank’s favorite person.
FRANK
Please God, let her not know about all of this.
JUNE
Of course she’s going to know, she speaks to the birds and they tell her secrets.
FRANK
I have to go. Verge... y’know... welcome to Earth?
VERGE
Thanks.
DEIDRE
Hey, Frank, do you want to order something?
FRANK
No, I’ve got to go, thanks.
DEIDRE
Bye. Hey June.
JUNE
Hey, Deidre.
DEIDRE PUTS A GLASS DOWN ON THE TABLE.
DEIDRE
I made you a Bloody Mary.
VERGE
You did?
DEIDRE
You said spicy, right?
VERGE
Yeah.
DEIDRE
Give it a try, let me know.
VERGE
I will.
JUNE
Where’s my Bloody Mary, Deidre?
DEIDRE
Coming right up.
JUNE
So... let’s talk alien shit.
VERGE
Okay.
THE DOOR OPENS TO “THE NEW AGE EMPORIUM.” NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYS.
FRANK
Good God, what is that smell?... Trinkett?
TRINKETT
(From upstairs.)
I’m on the roof.
FRANK
Great.
FRANK CLIMBS THE STAIRS AND OPENS THE DOOR TO THE ROOF. WE HEAR THE SQUEAKING OF TRINKETT’S OLD TELESCOPE.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Trinkett, I think the key to using that telescope is waiting for nightfall.
TRINKETT
I’m adjusting it right now because I won’t be able to see the coordinates on this piece of paper later tonight.
FRANK
Okay...
TRINKETT CONTINUES TO ADJUST THE TELESCOPE.
FRANK (CONT’D)
... You wanted to talk to me?
TRINKETT
... Frank, is there anything you need to tell me?
FRANK
Has there ever been anything I NEEDED to tell you?
TRINKETT
Frank, I asked you last night if there was anything strange going on.
FRANK
Uh huh.
TRINKETT
Is there anything strange going on?
FRANK
... Ok, look-
TRINKETT
A bandit from the 1850’s?
FRANK
...
TRINKETT
Disappearing dogs?
FRANK
That was-
TRINKETT
How about one huge dog? The size of a car?
FRANK
(Cursing her name.)
June...
TRINKETT
I know we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, Frank, so let me clear it up for you. A man from another time and a cow-sized dog? I think I’d categorize those things as strange.
FRANK
Trinkett, you think faeries are real, how am I supposed to know what you think is strange?
TRINKETT
Frank. Was there a time-traveling bandit, disappearing dogs, and a huge monster in your parking lot?
FRANK
... Yes.
TRINKETT
So can you stop bullshitting with me, please?
FRANK
... Yes.
TRINKETT
What is happening?
FRANK
I don’t know.
TRINKETT
... Okay. Like I was saying, I was in Cairo, New York. I was there because I was working on a book. It’s a book about forests and the power that they hold. In Cairo, New York is fossilized evidence of the oldest forest in the history of the world. I was trying to get in touch with all of that, trying to commune with an ancient place to get a sense of its power. Things hide in forests. Not just spirits and entities but also ideas. Ideas that have been long forgotten can hide there from the modern world. They can be safe there. It’s why I live here. I know that you think I’m ridiculous. I know you like to make jokes when I proscribe an herb smoke for someone’s migraines, I know you think that my crystals and my Tarot cards are all stupid. You forget that I’m used to you making fun of me because you’ve been doing it since I was a goth in middle school.
FRANK
You looked pretty ridiculous in middle school.
TRINKETT
I know I looked ridiculous, Frank, but every goth is just a witch in training and here I am now... I’ve never expected you to believe in what I do, but now, with these very strange things happening in town, I think maybe I’m due a little respect, okay?
FRANK
... Okay. I apologize.
TRINKETT
And, not for nothing, the herb smoke worked. Celeste doesn’t have migraines anymore.
FRANK
I remember.
TRINKETT
... So there I was in the middle of an ancient forest. I had just gotten my fire started and the sun was going down. I got a very strange feeling and I decided to pull some cards. And there, right in a row: The Wheel of Fortune, Death, The Tower, and Judgment... Change is coming... So the next morning I went into the nearest town and I called a friend of mine, Joshua Cody. Joshua works at the Rubin Observatory in Chile. Like a lot of astronomers, Joshua is secretly an astrologer, and will admit in private that the things that happen in the stars above our heads have a very real impact on the things that happen on Earth. I tell Joshua about this feeling I had and about the cards I pulled... And they tell me that something is happening on their end as well. Something in the sky...
FRANK
What is that?
TRINKETT
The conventional wisdom is that it’s a series of comets that follow a similar path in the solar system, they call them X-1604 through x-1612. But people like Joshua and people like me have a different idea. The series of comets that astronomers see in the sky is just one comet. A comet with an unpredictable orbit. A comet that returns to Earth whenever it needs to. A comet that brings drastic change and upheaval. It’s called The Wayfaring Stranger.
FRANK
So this comet just waits around until it’s time to come back to Earth?
TRINKETT
I don’t know what it does in it’s free time, Frank, I’m not all up in its business.
FRANK
That’s sounds a little impossible, Trinkett.
TRINKETT
Okay, again: Time Traveling Bandit.
FRANK
... Point taken.
TRINKETT
Joshua has a few things they need to check and then I’m going to call them later today. Joshua is going to make some adjustments and do some readings and then will let me know.
FRANK
Let you know what?
TRINKETT
If The Wayfaring Stranger is returning.
FRANK
And if it is?
TRINKETT
... Most ancient cultures have a flood myth. These myths came into being right around the same time all around the world. That was the last time The Wayfaring Stranger visited our planet. The last time this comet passed by us, the world flooded. And later today, we’re going to find out if it’s coming back.
FRANK
Trinkett, I know I’ve been dismissive of you in the past, but I’ve never thought you were stupid or naive for believing the things that you believe.
TRINKETT
Sure you did.
FRANK
Okay, maybe a little, but look... Do you honestly believe that a comet is heading for Earth and there’s going to be a massive flood around the world?
TRINKETT
I don’t know, Frank. But I’ll say this: I’m glad we’re at the top of a mountain right now.
FRANK
I really don’t know what to say to that, Trinkett.
TRINKETT
This mysterious bandit that came through town, he was running from something, right?
FRANK
He was.
TRINKETT
That’s exodus. That’s a standard reaction to impending doom. All the dogs in town, all their spirits combining into one collective soul? That’s consolidation. That’s another standard reaction to impeding doom.
FRANK
What are some other reactions?
TRINKETT
Denial. I think you’ve got that one pretty well handled, Frank.
FRANK
Okay.
TRINKETT
I need more information, obviously. But if I get on the phone today and hear that The Wayfaring Stranger is coming back? I think we’re going to start seeing the people in this town reacting to something. Their spirit selves are going to be sensing something. There’s going to be denial, rebellion, acceptance, resilience, it’s going to be a lot. I honestly don’t know what we’re in for.
FRANK
Denial, rebellion, acceptance, resilience. That just sounds like life to me, Trinkett.
TRINKETT
Maybe. Regardless, there are people in town that listen to you and there are people in town that listen to me. They’re going to need both of us.
FRANK
Okay. What happens now?
TRINKETT
Now we wait to hear. I just made nettle and ginger tea, do you want some?
FRANK
God, I really don’t.
BACK AT THE SHEEP’S EYE.
JUNE
Anybody can get pregnant?
VERGE
Anybody.
JUNE
How does that work?
VERGE
Humans have sexes. Vapians don’t.
JUNE
So who... how does the... wait... if you-
VERGE
Eldin?
ELDIN
Vapians, like Earthlings, reproduce through sexual contact. Unlike humans, that sexual contact can result in either partner being inseminated.
JUNE
You have a talking space phone?
VERGE
June this is Eldin.
JUNE
It has a name?
ELDIN
Hello, June. Don’t take this personally, but I think Verge is making a terrible mistake in talking to you.
JUNE
Nonsense, I’m great.
VERGE
If you have questions, Eldin is probably better at answering them than I am.
JUNE
Oh my god, are you serious?
VERGE
Yes.
JUNE
Eldin, how much battery life have you got?
ELDIN
My current charge will last approximately eighteen Earth months.
JUNE
Well see, that’s already amazing, I’m constantly at a five percent charge somehow.
ELDIN
Yes, lithium-ion was really one of your worst ideas.
JUNE
So Eldin, tell me, how many different types of aliens are out there?
ELDIN
Current census data reads that there are currently 556,349 species of sentient life in The Triad.
JUNE
Five... Holy shit. What’s The Triad?
ELDIN
The Triad is “Out there”.
JUNE
So what’s like, the weirdest one?
ELDIN
I’m talking to one of them right now, June.
JUNE
Ha! I like it. It’s kind of a dick.
VERGE
Definitely.
JUNE
So why don’t you want Verge talking to me, Eldin?
ELDIN
The longer Verge stays on this planet, the greater the risk to their safety.
JUNE
Oh shit. Is that true?
VERGE
He’s exaggerating.
JUNE
Are you exaggerating?
ELDIN
The worst place for a Vapian to be is in an environment with unsecured data networks. There are a lot of people out there looking for Vapians, especially this particular Vapian. One stray photo of Verge on a networked security camera could mean big trouble. This entire planet leaks data like a submarine with a screen door.
JUNE
Hey, I’ll have you know that I have never repeated a password in my life, pal.
ELDIN
In the time it took you to say that I hacked into your phone and I now have all of your personal banking information. Do you mind if I go shopping?
JUNE
Jokes on you, Eldin, I don’t have any money.
ELDIN
That is... true.
VERGE
It’s his job to worry about things, don’t let him freak you out.
JUNE
Is he serious though? Is it dangerous for you to be here?
VERGE
I mean... a little.
ELDIN
A lot.
JUNE
Why?
VERGE
(Sighing.)
Eldin, what is The Triad?
ELDIN
The Triad is a cluster of three galaxies in close relative proximity that are connected by a series of stable wormholes. The Milky Way, Andromeda, and Trianguulum.
VERGE
That’s where you live, okay? The Triad.
JUNE
Okay.
VERGE
And what is the political climate right now in The Triad, Eldin?
ELDIN
Political tensions in The Triad are at an all time high in the aftermath of a series of rebellious acts referred to colloquially as “Gloria’s War,” wherein an anomaly known as “Midnight Burger” disrupted current power structures across several systems and fomented rebellion on many planets.
JUNE
The diner from our parking lot?
VERGE
Look, I owe you a much longer explanation than this but... There’s a lot going on above your head, June. A lot. And I think I know which way the wind is blowing... I think there’s going to be a war.
JUNE
...A space war?
VERGE
Yes, June. A space war.
JUNE
Are we in danger?
VERGE
No. That’s the whole point. This place may be dangerous for me right now, but if things go the way I think they’re going to go, Earth will be the safest place. If a war happens, it won’t touch Earth. Earth is too important to both sides.
JUNE
What? We’re Switzerland or something?
VERGE
Eldin?
ELDIN
Switzerland is a nation on the continent of Europe know for its political neutrality.
VERGE
Sure. Like that. Kind of... Eldin’s right though. For the time being it’s dangerous for me here. And if it’s dangerous for me, it’s dangerous for someone else, too. If I’m going to stay here I should probably find a place further away from people, less collateral damage.
JUNE
Hey hey hey, no you shouldn’t. We don’t turn away business at the Horizon Motel.
If you want to be here, you should be here. Jesus Christ, Verge, you saved our lives last night, how bad would we suck if we kicked you out?
VERGE
You’re not kicking me out, I’m leaving.
JUNE
No, you’re not. It’s going to be fine.
VERGE
If you don’t mind me saying, you’ve been strangely fine with my situation from the moment I killed the big dog in your parking lot.
JUNE
Well, of course I have. Look... when I would get home from school as a kid there would be these reruns of a show on TV called “Star Trek.” Have you heard of this?
VERGE
I think so.
AS JUNE TALKS, WE SLOWLY BEGIN TO HEAR THE SOUND OF A CHINESE NEW YEAR PARADE COMING UP THE STREET.
JUNE
The whole thing took place in space, and there were aliens and shit, it was great. But it kind of ruined me, because everything else looked boring by comparison. I was dating this guy, and he really wanted us to move to the city. “It’s all happening there,” he would say. And I was like “Oh really? It’s all happening there? Are there Gorns there? I don’t think so.” It ruined me. It’s a cruel trick, you know? We’re given these wild imaginations while being trapped in a world that can never live up to them. But now... well, look at me now, Verge. I’m sitting here with my new alien friend who’s in danger of space bounty hunters and trying to avoid a space war. You can’t leave, Verge. It’s too awesome.
DEIDRE
Uh. June?
JUNE
What?
DEIDRE
Are you seeing this?
THE PARADE IS NOW VERY CLOSE TO THE SHEEP’S EYE. JUNE’S PHONE STARTS RINGING.
JUNE
... Hello, Frank.
FRANK
(On the phone.)
What the fuck is that coming up the street?
JUNE
You can see it too, huh?
FRANK
(On the phone.)
We’re watching it with Trinkett’s telescope.
JUNE
Well it’s... Frankie, I have no idea what it is.
VERGE
Is this not normal?
DEIDRE
It looks like a Chinese New Year Parade.
JUNE
Deidre says it looks like a Chinese New Year Parade.
FRANK
(On the phone.)
We’ve never had a Chinese New Year Parade, when is the Chinese New Year?
JUNE
He says we’ve never had a Chinese New Year Parade.
DEIDRE
We did one time.
JUNE
Deidre says we did one time... wait... when was this one time, Deidre?
DEIDRE
... 1923.
JUNE
Uh-huh. Sure.
DEIDRE
They held them in several towns across the state as a way to try and ease anti-Chinese sentiment.
JUNE
Uh-huh. Well, it’s working on me, it looks like a lot of fun.
THE PARADE IS IN FULL SWING AS THEY PASS BY THE SHEEP’S EYE.
FRANK
(On the phone.)
What is Deidre saying?
JUNE
Frank, this is apparently a Chinese New Year celebration from 1923.
FRANK
(On the phone.)
Uh-huh. About a hundred years ago.
JUNE
Yep.
FIREWORKS BEGIN TO GO OFF.
JUNE (CONT’D)
Oooh. They’ve got fireworks. I bet Trinkett’s got her peasant skirt in a twist about this one.
FRANK
(On the phone.)
Are you kidding me, she’s never been more in her element. We have some news, actually. Stay put, we’re coming to you.
JUNE
Okay, enjoy the parade.
FRANK
(On the phone.)
You too!
THE PARADE HAS BEGUN TO MOVE AWAY FROM THE SHEEP’S EYE.
JUNE
Everybody wave.
VERGE
What was that all about?
JUNE
Look, I know you think you’re cool with your talking box and your space ship and your alien parts, but that was a time-traveling parade you just witnessed my space-friend. Suck on that.
LATER IN THE SHEEP’S EYE. A LARGE CROWD HAS GATHERED AGAIN.
VERGE
Large crowd all of a sudden.
DEIDRE
Oh, hey. Yeah. I think the sudden parade outside might have attracted some attention. Please don’t ask me to explain it, by the way, I really have no idea what’s going on.
VERGE
So are you the town historian, or something?
DEIDRE
Me? No. I just get interested in things. My family has been here a long time. My grandfather moved here when he was a kid and now he owns half the town.
FRANK
Hey Deidre.
DEIDRE
Hey Frank, what the fuck with the parade?
FRANK
Yeah, I know, give me a minute, okay? Verge.
VERGE
This is a fucked up town, Frank.
FRANK
Yeah, no shit. Listen, what can you tell me about comets.
VERGE
Comets?
FRANK
Yes.
VERGE
Um. If you position your ship to the far side of one, it’s a great way to dodge long range scanners.
FRANK
Anything more terrestrial? What can a comet do to a planet?
VERGE
A lot. The closer it gets to a star, the more debris it sheds.
Depending on what the comet is made of, it can rain all kinds of hellfire on a planet.
FRANK
Goddamnit.
JUNE
So you’re going to call your friend Joshua in where?
TRINKETT
Chile.
JUNE
And they’re going to tell you if a comet is headed for Earth?
TRINKETT
Yes.
JUNE
And if it is, that’s bad.
TRINKETT
It could be. There’s no way of knowing for sure.
JUNE
Great to have you back in town, Trinkett.
TRINKETT
Here I go.
TRINKETT DIALS THE PHONE BEHIND THE BAR.
FRANK
Well this has been quite a day.
JUNE
Frankie, it’s not even fucking noon.
TRINKETT
Hola, ¿puedo hablar con el doctor Morris? Por favor, diles que soy Trinkett Coralee.
VERGE
Hey, another thing about comets, most cultures regard them as harbingers of doom or drastic change.
FRANK
Yeah, I think we’re aware of that part, Verge.
JUNE
Hey Verge, remember how I said this is a great place and you should stay? Maybe I was wrong.
VERGE
Because of a comet?
JUNE
Yeah.
VERGE
I’m fine. I had a hideout on an unstable centaur for a while, that’s way more dangerous.
FRANK
What’s an unstable centaur?
VERGE
A planet that could collide with another planet at any time.
FRANK
... And you just hung out there?
VERGE
Kept the tourists away.
TRINKETT
Okay, Joshua. Thank you... if you hear anything else you can leave a message at this number, okay? Please, if you hear anything else... okay... bye...
FRANK
... Well?
TRINKETT
... It’s coming back.
THE END.