Part 2: Rambo
MORNING AT THE HORIZON MOTEL. BIRDS CHIRPING AND ALL THAT NONSENSE. THE DOOR TO THE OFFICE OPENS AND FRANK WALKS OUT.
FRANK
Morning.
VERGE
Morning.
FRANK
Got everything you need over there?
VERGE
Who has everything they need?
FRANK
Good point. Everything you need within reason?
VERGE
Sure.
FRANK
Great.
VERGE
Is it always this quiet here?
FRANK
This time of year, yeah. It’s the off season. In a few months there’ll be a bunch of skiers on their way up the mountain.
VERGE
What’s that about?
FRANK
Skiing? It’s a universal law of nature. When there’s a big thing there will be, inevitably, a portion of the population that wants to go very fast down the side of it.
VERGE
I see.
FRANK
I notice you don’t have a car. I’m going to run into town for some supplies, do you need us to pick you up anything?
VERGE
I’ve got everything I need, thanks.
FRANK
Okay.
FRANK’S TRUCK COMES SPEEDING UP THE DRIVEWAY INTO THE PARKING LOT. JUNE JUMPS OUT OF THE DRIVER’S SEAT. SHE’S ON THE PHONE.
JUNE
Uh-huh... Oh no... Oh God that sucks... And you looked everywhere?... Uh-huh. I’m so sorry. (To Frank.) Edgy Steve.
FRANK
Oh, good.
JUNE
(Back to the phone.)
Well, we haven’t seen anything but we’ll keep our eyes open, okay... I’m sure he’ll turn up... okay.
FRANK
What’s happening?
JUNE
You know Steve’s dog?
FRANK
Rambo?
JUNE
Yeah. He’s missing.
FRANK
Really? Doesn’t he keep him on a lawn spike most of the time?
JUNE
Yeah, he woke up this morning and he was gone. He’s losing his mind.
FRANK
How upset are we supposed to be about this?
JUNE
Frank.
FRANK
That dog is a fucking monster.
JUNE
I know.
FRANK
It’s the meanest dog I’ve ever seen.
JUNE
Well, of course it is, Frank, it guards the house of a drug dealer. Drug dealers all have terrifying dogs, it’s the law.
FRANK
Wait, so his terrifying dog is now loose in town somewhere?
JUNE
It sounds like it.
FRANK
He’s such a blight on the community, this guy.
JUNE
Steve’s fine. He keeps you on your toes.
FRANK
How can we get him to move his business to another town?
JUNE
I don’t know, get skiers to stop liking methamphetamines?
FRANK
What does he expect us to do about it?
JUNE
I told him we’d keep a look out.
FRANK
Tell him to follow the trail of murdered cats.
JUNE
Anyway... Hi, Verge.
VERGE
Hi there.
JUNE
How’s everything going over there?
VERGE
Just fine.
JUNE
What are you... what are you smoking there, Verge?
VERGE
Tobacco’s really fantastic.
JUNE
I hear it’s popular. (To Frank.) Do we have a theory on what Verge’s deal is?
FRANK
I’m kind of stumped. It’s been three days now and they just hang out in their room and occasionally come outside and roll a cigarette.
JUNE
Roll a cigarette?
FRANK
Yeah.
JUNE
Like a cowboy?
FRANK
Please don’t say cowboy, I’m still not over our cowboy experience the other day.
JUNE
Okay, but be real with me, I feel a little cooler that they’re just hanging out here, right?
FRANK
I hate to admit it, but yeah, maybe a little.
JUNE
How can we become a hot spot for cool drifters?
FRANK
We’ve met our share of drifters, this is definitely the first one that’s been cool.
JUNE
True. Okay, we doing this? Breakfast? Sheep’s Eye?
FRANK
Yeah.
JUNE
Okay. Hey, Verge. If anyone wants to check in can you just tell them to pick a room, key’s in the bedside table, we’ll deal with them later?
VERGE
Seriously?
FRANK
Yeah, also, no one’s going to want to check in so don’t worry about it.
VERGE
That I can handle.
FRANK
Fantastic.
BREAKFAST RUSH AT THE SHEEP’S EYE. FRANK AND JUNE ARE SITTING OUTSIDE. DEIDRE BRINGS THEM THEIR ORDER.
DEIDRE
Okay, we’ve got bacon, eggs, and toast.
JUNE
Amazing.
DEIDRE
And granola and fruit for Frank.
FRANK
Thank you.
JUNE
Loser.
FRANK
Hey Deidre, how’s everyone doing?
DEIDRE
How are they doing? You mean after the “Relentless Rick Incident”?
FRANK
Yeah.
DEIDRE
Well, everyone’s working really hard to explain it away. Celeste is saying it was some sort of government experiment being conducted on us. What’s “MK Ultra?”
FRANK
Never mind, forget I asked.
JUNE
How are you doing, Deidre?
DEIDRE
Me? Uh, fine? I think I’m in denial? That’s normal right?
JUNE
Totally.
DEIDRE
Great. Frank, do you still want me to tell you about weird stuff?
FRANK
Um, I really don’t, but why don’t you tell me anyway?
DEIDRE
I guess this isn’t WEIRD weird, but, it looks like Trinkett’s coming back to town.
FRANK
Seriously?
JUNE
Oh boy.
DEIDRE
Yeah, she called to make sure I still had her keys.
JUNE
It’s been a while, where was she calling from?
DEIDRE
She said, Cairo?
JUNE
Of course.
FRANK
That’s terrible news.
JUNE
It’s fine. When is she coming back?
DEIDRE
She didn’t say.
FRANK
You’re right, that’s not WEIRD weird, but thank you for the warning anyway.
DEIDRE
Sure.
JUNE
This is going to be fun for me.
FRANK
Oh, Deidre. Steve’s dog is loose apparently.
DEIDRE
It is?
FRANK
Yeah.
DEIDRE
Rambo?
FRANK
Yes.
DEIDRE
That dog is terrifying.
FRANK
I know, Steve woke up this morning and he was gone.
DEIDRE
That’s bad.
FRANK
It’s not great, so if you’re going for a walk or something, I guess take your bear spray with you?
JUNE
Or a leg of lamb, y’know, to distract him.
DEIDRE
Jeez. Okay.
FRANK
If you see him, call Steve.
DEIDRE
Okay. Is there any way I can not call Steve?
FRANK
Call me. Call me and I’ll call him.
DEIDRE
Awesome.
JUNE
... So, local mystic Trinket Coralee, coming back to town.
FRANK
Horrible timing.
JUNE
Trinkett Coralee, Purveyor of ancient cures and strange smells.
FRANK
Why does she have to come back to town right now? Of all the people I don’t want to deal with.
JUNE
I’ve never understood the issue with you two, why do you hate each other?
FRANK
We don’t hate each other, she’s just an aggravating person.
JUNE
There are weird things afoot in town though. Might be nice to have the perspective of a... whatever she calls herself.
FRANK
The last thing anyone needs right now is her drawing some sort of summoning circle in the middle of town to focus the spiritual energies or some bullshit.
JUNE
I think it’s going to be nice. My chakras are going to get so aligned.
FRANK
This is such bad news.
JUNE
Hey, speaking of weird shit, how are we feeling?
FRANK
We?
JUNE
Yeah... y’know...
FRANK
... Okay we’ve got to find a way to talk about this with less long pauses and allusions.
JUNE
What do you want me to say, Frank?
FRANK
I don’t know. Look, I wake up in the morning, I look in the mirror, it’s me. I’m not growing roots or something, I’m not turning into a werewolf. It’s me.
JUNE
Okay. I mean, I’m fine with “New Frank”.
FRANK
Don’t say “New Frank.”
JUNE
Meet the new Frank.
FRANK
June.
JUNE
Same as the old Frank.
FLAT DOUG
Frank!
FRANK
Hey, Doug.
FLAT DOUG
I’m freaking out.
FRANK
Well, it is a day of the week, so..
JUNE
You’re always freaking out, Doug.
FLAT DOUG
My Dad’s dog is gone.
JUNE
Baron Munchausen?
FLAT DOUG
Baron Munchausen is gone.
FRANK
How long?
FLAT DOUG
He woke up this morning, no sign of him.
FRANK
Oh, boy.
JUNE
Has he run off before?
FLAT DOUG
No, he hates going outside. You practically have to drag him behind you when you walk him.
JUNE
Okay.
FRANK
That’s two.
JUNE
It’s just a coincidence.
FLAT DOUG
What’s just a coincidence?
JUNE
Nothing. Rambo’s missing too, apparently. I got a call from Steve this morning.
FLAT DOUG
What? Rambo?!
JUNE
Yeah, what?
FLAT DOUG
My Dad’s dog is wandering around out there while Steve’s insane monster is roaming the streets?
JUNE
Rambo’s not that bad, Doug.
FLAT DOUG
He bit through his leash one time.
JUNE
That’s... that is true, that is true.
FLAT DOUG
It was a chain leash, June.
FRANK
Doug we’re all going to keep an eye out, okay? Rambo probably took off into the woods to bring down an elk or something.
FLAT DOUG
I’m going to go ask around inside.
FRANK
Okay.
FLAT DOUG WALKS INSIDE.
JUNE
His anxiety levels are dangerously high all the time, it’s unsustainable.
FRANK
...
JUNE
What’s wrong?
FRANK
I just wanted to sit here and have some granola.
JUNE
Well there’s something that no one’s ever said.
FRANK
Two missing dogs.
JUNE
Just a coincidence.
FRANK
There’s going to be a third.
JUNE
Frank, don’t catch Doug’s anxiety.
FRANK
We need to learn how to catch these things earlier.
JUNE
What are you talking about?
FRANK
I’m going to go talk to everyone.
JUNE
I just got my food.
FRANK
Then stay out here.
JUNE
Goddamnit.
FRANK WALKS INSIDE THE BUSY SHEEP’S EYE. HE STANDS UP ON A CHAIR.
FRANK
Everybody... Everybody listen up... Thank you. You may have heard that Rambo has gone missing. Now, while that presents it’s own problems, seeing as how Rambo is a fucking psychopath, Baron Munchausen is also missing. I need to know right now if anyone else is missing a dog or if you’ve heard of anyone else that is missing a dog... Anybody?
CELESTE
Frank, I would like to say something.
FRANK
Please, don’t.
CELESTE
I’d like to be heard, I think this is important.
FRANK
Fine.
CELESTE
We all remember what happened a few days ago. We were visited by, what can only be described as, a time traveller. An old west outlaw by the name of Relentless Rick. While not all of you subscribe to my theory that we were all drugged as part of an experiment by the nearby secret military base-
FRANK
There’s no secret military base.
CELESTE
-Agree to disagree. You may not all agree with my theory. But now there’s missing dogs. And I think we can all agree that these dogs are being stolen by the local secret military base and being experimented on.
FRANK
We can all agree?
CELESTE
Are we just going to sit here while there is a rash of dog theft sweeping across town?
FRANK
It’s two dogs.
CELESTE
For now. For now it is, but look at Frank here. Look at him. If this wasn’t something for us to be worried about, Frank wouldn’t be making a speech about it, would he? Would you, Frank?
FLAT DOUG
You just told me it was nothing to worry about, Frank.
JUNE
(To Frank)
Remember how I said to talk to me before you do things like this?
THE DOOR TO THE SHEEP’S EYE OPENS. THE PHONE RINGS, DEIDRE PICKS IT UP.
DEIDRE
Sheep’s Eye?
EDGY STEVE
Hi everyone. Sorry to interrupt, I’ve got some fliers here, everyone please take one, my dog has gone missing, you can see a picture right there. He can be a little irritable, but he’s a good boy-
FRANK
Steve.
EDGY STEVE
If you can just take one of these please give me a call if you see anything-
FRANK
Steve.
EDGY STEVE
-Feeling a little out of sorts, know what I mean? He’s my north star, that little guy-
FRANK
Steve.
EDGY STEVE What?
FRANK
We all know what your dog looks like.
EDGY STEVE
I’m just making sure, okay? Trying to stay busy, can’t help but think about him being injured out there.
FRANK
Steve, if anything, your dog is the one doing the injuring.
EDGY STEVE
Frank, that is so unfair.
FRANK
Steve, your dog is a fucking monster, okay? It is what it is, we will still help you find your dog, but let’s not pretend we’re talking about Lassie okay? You’re dog is four-legged horror movie.
CELESTE
I don’t even drive by your house anymore, Steve. You’re dog is terrifying.
FLAT DOUG
Yeah, how did you get him that way, Steve? Are feeding him Ripped Fuel or something?
EDGY STEVE
Wow, I have never felt so abandoned in a time of need than right now.
FRANK
Okay, y’all, focus up please. Obviously making this little announcement was premature, I didn’t mean to alarm anyone. We’ve got a couple of missing dogs. No big deal. Nothing to panic about. Let’s all just keep our eyes out for Rambo and Baron Munchausen. We’ll find them and then everything can get back to normal.
EDGY STEVE
Wait, Baron Munchausen’s missing too?
FRANK
It’s fine.
DEIDRE
Frank?
FRANK
Yeah?
DEIDRE
That was Jessica Shelton on the phone. She needs to know if anyone’s seen her Greyhound, Kimbob?
FRANK
... Fuck.
FLAT DOUG
Oh man. They got Kimbob.
FRANK
There’s no “They”.
CELESTE
I think I’ll sit here quietly and wait for everyone’s apology.
EDGY STEVE
Kimbob too?! Frank, what’s going on?
FRANK
Nobody panic.
FLAT DOUG
Don’t tell me not to panic, Frank, there’s a fucking dog rapture happening right here in town.
FRANK
Everybody listen!... Okay, there may be something weird going on with the dogs.
CELESTE
Thank you.
JUNE
(To Frank.)
Turns out overreacting was the right call, sorry about that.
FRANK
We’re going to figure this out, just like we did with Relentless Rick the other day. Why don’t we make a list of everyone in town who has a dog and start making some calls-
CELESTE
Wait!
FRANK
Celeste, c’mon.
CELESTE
Has anyone checked on the mayor?
FRANK
Jesus Christ.
FLAT DOUG
Holy Shit, the mayor. He’s a high value target.
EDGY STEVE
If we lose the mayor, it’ll be chaos.
FLAT DOUG
Deidre, call TJ, is the mayor OK?
DEIDRE
Ok.
FRANK
Guys. I appreciate that we’re taking this seriously but just, real quick–I know we all had an unofficial election a few years ago and elected TJ’s dog, Sparker, as the mayor. I just need verbal confirmation that we all know that Sparker the Dog is not the actual mayor.
EDGY STEVE
...
FLAT DOUG ...
CELESTE
...
FRANK
Never mind.
DEIDRE
He says Sparker is fine.
FRANK
Great.
CELESTE
At least we still have a functioning government.
FRANK
The dog is not the mayor!
JUNE
Okay, everyone. Lots of great ideas, so glad we had this meeting. SO glad nobody’s panicking. How about we make a list of all the dogs in town and then we’ll split up the list. When you’re done with your list, give us a call at the Horizon, okay?
EDGY STEVE
And, real quick, everyone, if you happen to see Rambo just remember not to run, okay? He loves that. Also, to get him to release after he bites down, the command word is “Scheherazade.”
CELESTE
Meeting adjourned, Frank?
FRANK
... Sure.
WE MOVE TO THE PARKING LOT OF THE HORIZON MOTEL LATER THAT EVENING. THE PHONE IS RINGING INSIDE THE OFFICE. JUNE IS ON HER CELL PHONE.
JUNE
Okay... Okay wow. Both of them?... Just gone... Oh boy... Alright, me and Frank are making a list right now, I’m so sorry Rita.
THE DOOR TO OFFICE OPENS.
FRANK
Holy shit.
JUNE
How many for you?
FRANK
Seven, how many for you?
JUNE
Twelve.
FRANK
Twelve?!
JUNE
Twelve.
FRANK
There are nineteen dogs missing in a town of 600.
JUNE
Yes.
FRANK
... What’s happening?
JUNE
I don’t know.
JUNE GETS A TEXT.
JUNE (CONT’D)
...Aaaand that’s Courtney Morris. Her Shih Tzu is missing.
FRANK
Who has a Shih Tzu in the mountains?
JUNE
Nobody anymore. That’s twenty.
FRANK
What are we going to do?
JUNE
I don’t know, fuck, I guess tomorrow morning we start at the top of the list?
FRANK
So tomorrow we’re just going to, what, Scooby Doo our way through the woods looking for them?
JUNE
What should we do, hire a team of dogs to find the dogs?
FRANK
... this is bad.
JUNE
Yeah, the cowboy thing the other day was kind of charming, this is not so charming.
FRANK
It’s a nightmare.
JUNE
Maybe the dogs are organizing? Maybe they want bargaining power? Maybe it’s a dog strike?
WE BEGIN TO HEAR A BICYCLE COMING UP THE DRIVEWAY.
FRANK
Oh shit.
JUNE
What?
FRANK
Trinkett Coralee, coming up the driveway.
JUNE
No.
FRANK
Of all the fucking days.
JUNE
Why are you acting like we’re getting inspected or something?
FRANK
Because we are.
JUNE
Hey Trinkett.
TRINKETT
Hello.
JUNE
Welcome back, how long were you gone for?
TRINKETT
It was supposed to be three years. I came back early.
JUNE
We missed you.
TRINKETT
I’m sure... Frank.
FRANK
Trinkett.
JUNE
...
FRANK
...
JUNE
So I’m going to go make some more calls.
FRANK
Great.
JUNE
Great to see you, Trinkett.
TRINKETT
Yes.
JUNE WALKS INTO THE OFFICE.
FRANK
So, I hear you were in Egypt.
TRINKETT No.
FRANK
Deidre told me you were in Cairo.
TRINKETT
Cairo, New York.
FRANK
There’s a Cairo, New York?
TRINKETT
Just barely.
FRANK
What the hell you were doing there?
TRINKETT
Research.
FRANK
Research?
TRINKETT
I’m writing a book.
FRANK
Really? What about?
TRINKETT
Frank, you don’t care what I’m writing a book about.
FRANK
I really don’t.
TRINKETT
Let’s move on.
FRANK
Great.
TRINKETT
I didn’t want to cut my trip short, Frank, but I was advised to return early.
FRANK
You were advised.
TRINKETT
Yes.
FRANK
Trinkett, by any chance were you “advised” to come back early by a deck of Tarot cards?
TRINKETT
... I don’t like your tone.
FRANK
So that’s a yes?
TRINKETT TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND EXHALES.
TRINKETT
I’ve chosen to not let your energy effect mine.
FRANK
Okay.
TRINKETT
I don’t enjoy these interactions between us.
FRANK
I’m having a great time.
TRINKETT
Your opinion of me is no secret. I’m asking you to set that aside for one moment.
FRANK
... Okay. Okay fine.
TRINKETT
Thank you.
FRANK
What can I do for you?
TRINKETT
I’d like you to come by my shop tomorrow.
FRANK
Why?
TRINKETT
Because I’d like to speak with you.
FRANK
Why?
TRINKETT
Frank. I would like to speak with you.
FRANK
You’re standing in front of me right now.
TRINKETT
I’d like to speak with you tomorrow.
FRANK
Do we need to draw this out? We can’t do this now?
TRINKETT
I need to be more focused when we talk and I just got off an airplane and I need to clean that experience off of me before we talk.
FRANK
You were on a plane?
TRINKETT
Yes.
FRANK
You hate planes.
TRINKETT
I do. But it was important that I get back as soon as possible so I made an exception.
FRANK
So this must be very important.
TRINKETT
Yes.
FRANK
So important that it can wait until tomorrow?
TRINKETT
... The work I was doing was very important to me. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t feel it was necessary... Something... has shifted. I don’t know what it is, but I’d like to speak with you about it.
FRANK
Okay. Fine. I will stop by tomorrow morning.
TRINKETT
Thank you... The energy in town is very strange right now, is there anything strange going on?
FRANK
... Nope.
TRINKETT No?
FRANK
Just another day.
TRINKETT
Alright. Tomorrow.
FRANK
Tomorrow.
TRINKETT
Thank you.
FRANK
Do you need a ride home? I can throw your bike in the back of my truck.
TRINKETT
I hate your truck.
FRANK
Okay.
TRINKETT RIDES AWAY ON HER BICYCLE. FRANK LETS OUT A DEEP SIGH.
JUNE
(From the office.)
Frank!
FRANK
What?
JUNE
We’re up to twenty one now.
FRANK
Shit! Hang on.
FRANK WALKS TOWARD THE OFFICE AS VERGE COMES OUT OF THEIR ROOM.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Hey, Verge.
VERGE
Evening.
FRANK
Oh, hey. There’s been a, uh, report of a bear in the area.
VERGE
A bear?
FRANK
Yeah. So you might want to consider spending the night inside.
VERGE
That was the plan.
FRANK
Great, if you see anything let us know.
VERGE
Will do.
FRANK WALKS INTO THE OFFICE AS A CAR COMES UP THE DRIVEWAY AND STOPS. DEIDRE GETS OUT WITH SPARKER THE DOG.
DEIDRE
Hi there.
VERGE
Hello.
DEIDRE
Enjoying your stay?
VERGE
I am. Lovely place.
DEIDRE
Yeah. Lots of people come here in the winter but this is my favorite time of year. So quiet.
VERGE
So quiet.
DEIDRE
I’m Deidre.
VERGE
Verge.
DEIDRE
Nice to meet you. How long are you in town for?
VERGE
Not sure, actually.
DEIDRE
Oooh. That sounds nice. I went backpacking through Argentina after college. No itinerary, when I wanted to move on I moved on, it was nice.
VERGE
Where’s Argentina?
DEIDRE
Where’s Argentina?
VERGE
I’m bad with Geography.
DEIDRE
It’s uh... south.
VERGE
Got it. Who’s your friend?
DEIDRE
This is Sparker.
VERGE
Hi there. Does it talk?
DEIDRE
Only during dinner time.
VERGE
...
DEIDRE
... Um, hey, if you’re going to be in town for a while you should come by the Sheep’s Eye. I’m the bartender, first drink’s on me.
VERGE
... Yeah, okay.
DEIDRE
Great.
FRANK COMES OUT OF THE OFFICE.
FRANK
Deidre, what’s going on? What is Sparker doing here?
DEIDRE
Um, my grandpaw wanted to keep him moving.
FRANK
Keep him moving?
DEIDRE
Yeah, so he’s harder to find.
FRANK
Harder to...
DEIDRE
Frank, I know it sounds ridiculous but how many dogs are missing right now?
FRANK
Okay. Okay, fine. Hi, Sparker.
DEIDRE
I’ll come back and pick him up tomorrow morning okay?
FRANK
Fine. Sparker get inside.
SPARKER BARKS AND RUNS INTO THE OFFICE.
JUNE
(Inside the office.)
Mr. Mayor!
DEIDRE
I’ll see you tomorrow.
FRANK
I’ll just bring him by the Sheep’s Eye, okay?
DEIDRE
Great. Bye, Verge.
VERGE
Bye bye.
DEIDRE GETS IN THE CAR AND DRIVES AWAY.
VERGE (CONT’D)
... So are you the, I don’t know, local Chieftain or something?
FRANK
Local Chieftain?
VERGE
People keep coming to you with their problems.
FRANK
They do.
VERGE
Why is that?
FRANK
I don’t know. Take any group of people and, given enough time, eventually someone will become the one everyone complains to.
VERGE
So you’re just lucky?
FRANK
Just lucky... Verge I was serious about the bear warning, okay?
VERGE
Alright, alright, I’m going inside, bossman.
FRANK
Thank you.
VERGE WALKS INSIDE THEIR ROOM. ANOTHER DEEP SIGH FROM FRANK. AFTER A LONG MOMENT, THERE IS THE SOUND OF SOMETHING IN THE TREES.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Hello?
SLOWLY, SOMETHING MASSIVE MOVES FROM THE TREES INTO THE PARKING LOT, EACH STEP MAKES A THUD ON THE PAVEMENT. IT HAS FOUR LEGS AND BREATHES HEAVILY. FRANK DOESN’T MOVE.
FRANK (CONT’D)
(To himself.)
What the fuck.
THE CREATURE WALKS SLOWLY THROUGH THE PARKING LOT, SNIFFING THE AIR.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Rambo?... Rambo what the fuck happened to you?
RAMBO RAISES HIS HEAD TO THE AIR AND LETS OUT A BLOOD CURDLING HOWL THAT ECHOES ACROSS THE MOUNTAIN. THE DOOR TO THE OFFICE OPENS.
JUNE
What the fuck was that? OH SHIT!
RAMBO SEES JUNE AND GROWLS MALICIOUSLY.
JUNE (CONT’D)
Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit. Is that Rambo?
FRANK
Yes.
JUNE
How is he the size of a water buffalo?!
FRANK
I don’t know.
JUNE
He’s looking right at me.
FRANK
Rambo? Rambo, over here!
JUNE
He’s still looking at me.
FRANK
Rambo! Goddamn it!
RAMBO HOWLS AGAIN AND VERGE’S DOOR OPENS. RAMBO TURNS AND GROWLS AT VERGE.
VERGE
What the fuck?!
FRANK
Verge, get back inside!
RAMBO ROARS. VERGE DRAWS THEIR PLASMA PISTOL AND FIRES SEVERAL SHOTS. RAMBO HOWLS IN PAIN AND VERGE ADVANCES ON HIM, FIRING SHOT AFTER SHOT, WALKING TOWARDS THE MONSTER IN THE PARKING LOT AS THEY SHOOT. RAMBO FINALLY GIVES OUT A DEATH RATTLE AND DROPS TO THE GROUND WITH A MASSIVE THUD. EVERYTHING IS QUIET.
VERGE
THAT’S a fucking bear?
RAMBO RAISES HIS HEAD ONE LAST TIME AND HOWLS. VERGE FIRES THREE MORE SHOTS AND IT’S OVER.
VERGE (CONT’D)
Fucking die!
VERGE FIRES THREE MORE SHOTS JUST TO BE SURE. EVERYTHING’S QUIET AGAIN.
FRANK
Uh... Verge?
VERGE
Yeah?
JUNE
Is that a... laser gun?
VERGE
Ah... Plasma, actually.
FRANK
Uh huh. Okay....
VERGE
... I uh... I guess I’ve got some explaining to do don’t I?
JUNE
Maybe just a tad.
RAMBO’S GIGANTIC BODY BEGINS TO VIBRATE AND SHAKE WITH ENERGY.
FRANK
Jesus Christ, now what?
RAMBO’S BODY EXPLODES, PIECES OF HIM FLYING EVERYWHERE. AFTER THE DUST SETTLES, WE HEAR DOGS BARKING.
JUNE
O... kay.
FRANK
That’s everyone’s dog.
JUNE
Including Rambo.
FRANK
There’s Baron Munchausen
JUNE
Hi, Baron Munchausen.
VERGE
... So, I take it this is not normal.
JUNE
Oh no. Nope. This is... This is...
FRANK
... New.
VERGE
Alright... Well, I guess we’ve both got some explaining to do, don’t we?
FRANK
Yeah.
JUNE
I guess we’ve got to... Call everyone? Tell them to come get their dogs?
FRANK
Okay.
VERGE PUTS THEIR GUN BACK IN THEIR HOLSTER.
VERGE
Well, this was fun.
FRANK
Verge, uh, thank you? Uh... We’ve got to deal with this right now so... Breakfast tomorrow? We can all tell each other some interesting stories, okay?
VERGE
Looking forward to it.
JUNE
Thanks for uh... killing the huge monster!
VERGE
Anytime. See you in the morning.
JUNE
Yeah.
VERGE WALKS INTO THEIR ROOM. AFTER A MOMENT THEY LAUGH. INSIDE VERGE’S ROOM WE HEAR “ELDIN”, THEIR TANGLE.
ELDIN
What in the world was all that noise?
VERGE
Eldin, I don’t suppose it’s a common occurrence on Earth for a bunch of dogs to combine into one big dog and then split up again into a bunch of smaller dogs, is it?
ELDIN
What the fuck are you talking about?
VERGE
Never mind... play the message again.
ELDIN
Playing saved message.
LEIF
(Through the Tangle.)
Hey... Please don’t delete this... I uh... I have no idea where to start with this message so I’ll just start talking and I’m sorry if some of it sounds like nonsense... Every time I’m in a place that looks enough like home, I send off this message to your usual message relay and hope that you get it... I hope you’re okay... In fact I hope you’re more than okay, I hope you’re... I don’t know, I hope you finally went sailing... I don’t know how much you know about what’s going on with me but it’s... it’s an interesting life. And in that interesting life you see some interesting things, go to some interesting places... There’s this place I came across the other day and uh... I don’t know, I thought of you for some reason... If you’re still always on the lookout for good places to hide for a while, I may have found one for you... It’s a nice place. It’s weird, but it’s nice... Of course what I really hope is that you somehow managed to stop running... that somehow life is different for you... you deserved a different life... Anyway, I think you’d like this place. I think it might hold your attention. Earth always felt like a prison for me but for you... who knows?
The coordinates are embedded in this message, I’m assuming you’ve still got my encryption key... I hope I get to see you again someday. Until then... Give it a shot, Verge. You never know when something’s going to be exactly what you’re looking for.
VERGE
... I hate it when you’re right... Eldin, deploy a sensor dome on this location, play some nice music and wake me up in seven hours.
ELDIN
Sensor dome deployed. Anything on the agenda tomorrow?
VERGE
A very interesting breakfast.
ELDIN
Alarm set for seven hours. Goodnight, Verge.
VERGE
Goodnight.
THE END.