Chapter 23: Know Your Enemy
THE SOUND OF A BUSY DMV OFFICE. A PHONE IS RINGING.
CASPAR
Ma’am I agree that when we send you a notice saying that your license is suspended that we should send it registered mail but sending things registered mail requires more money and the fine people of this city voted to cut our budget last year because we had too much money apparently. You can’t have it both ways, you’re going to need to pick a lane which apparently you have a very hard time doing because your license is suspended. Now please fill out this form and mail it to this address alright? Thank you... 322? 322?
CASPAR PICKS UP THE PHONE.
CASPAR (CONT’D)
Hello?... Yeah, look I can’t talk about this right now, I’m slammed, okay? We’ll.... We’ll have to talk about it later, I’m not doing this now. Goodbye.
CASPAR HANGS UP.
CASPAR (CONT’D)
322? When you sign the wait list you need a first and last name okay? Clementine?
CLEMENTINE
Yes. That’s me.
CASPAR
What’s your last name, Clementine?
CLEMENTINE
Oh. I don’t have one.
CASPAR
You don’t have one.
CLEMENTINE
No. Can I get one here?
CASPAR
No, Clementine, you cannot get a last name at the Department of Motor Vehicles. Is there anything else I can help you with?
CLEMENTINE
Yes... Yes, I think there is, Caspar.
CASPAR
...
CLEMENTINE
...
CASPAR
What?
CLEMENTINE
What happens here?
CASPAR
At this window? Licenses, registration, suspensions.
CLEMENTINE
I mean this whole place.
CASPAR
The DMV?
CLEMENTINE
Is that what this building is called?
CASPAR
There’s a gigantic sign out front.
CLEMENTINE
Oh. Okay. And what do you... do here?
CASPAR
...Ma’am. Your number is 322 and that unlucky gentleman over there, he just picked up the number 403. Does that give you an idea of the amount of people I have to get through today?
CLEMENTINE
I feel like I should know this by now. I’ve been around, Caspar, to a lot of different places. I guess I’ve always followed what interested me and that never led me into buildings like this.
CASPAR
Municipal buildings aren’t meant to be a Hall of Wonders, Ma’am, it’s meant to be a place wherein one’s arrival is always unfortunate.
CLEMENTINE
You talk funny.
CASPAR
Ma’am. If you don’t have any business here, I’d appreciate it if you’d be respectful of all the other people who are here and, like me, don’t want to be.
IN THE DISTANCE WE HEAR A CELL PHONE RINGING.
CLEMENTINE
Sure... sure, I have to go anyway.
CASPAR
Darn.
CLEMENTINE
I’ll be back though.
CASPAR
Great. 323, Courtney DuPona?
THE CELL PHONE GROWS LOUDER AND LOUDER. THE DMV FADES AND IS REPLACED BY AND EMPTY STREET. ONE CAR DRIVES BY AND EVENTUALLY THE CELL PHONE IS ANSWERED.
GLORIA
Hey Cesar... Yeah, It’s all locked up. Do you need anything over there? We’ve got all this food, it’s just going to go bad. Need 5 pounds of jack cheese by any chance?... Yeah, I’m hearing a lot of people saying “how long could it really be?” And I have to say I have a bad feeling... No, you can’t come help me... No, Cesar we have to stay away from each other, if I get you sick Inez is going to kill me... I’ll be fine, sign up for unemployment right now, okay?... Okay, bye... Fuck my life.
CLEMENTINE
Hi.
GLORIA
Hey. We’re closed. Everything is.
CLEMENTINE
Why is everything closed?
GLORIA
Seriously?
CLEMENTINE
Wait... a virus?
GLORIA
Yes.
CLEMENTINE
What’s this place?
GLORIA
This is my place.
CLEMENTINE
“Gloria’s Taq...
GLORIA
Taqueria. Tacos?
CLEMENTINE
Oh, right. You’re closed?
GLORIA
Yes.
CLEMENTINE
For how long?
GLORIA
According to the State of Arizona, one month.
CLEMENTINE
Until the virus goes away?
GLORIA
(Laughing.)
Yeah. Yeah, until the virus goes away.
CLEMENTINE What?
GLORIA
Fucking hell.
CLEMENTINE
What’s so funny?
GLORIA
Who are you?
CLEMENTINE
I’m Clementine.
GLORIA
You’re just walking around talking to strangers today? Today of all days?
CLEMENTINE
Yeah, I guess so.
GLORIA
You from Desert View or something? Taking a little field trip?
CLEMENTINE
Maybe?
GLORIA
...I mean, I guess this is a good time for it. No cars on the road, it’s a ghost town.
CLEMENTINE
What happens after a month?
GLORIA
After a month? Well, then it’s back to business as usual, of course.
CLEMENTINE
Kinda sounds like you don’t believe that.
GLORIA
I don’t. But what do I know?... You’re supposed to be wearing a mask, you know. I think you can get a ticket or something.
CLEMENTINE
I’ll be okay. You’re not wearing one either.
GLORIA
It’s in my car. I wanted one more day.
CLEMENTINE
You seem pretty sad.
GLORIA
Yeah... everybody’s got this look on their face. Everybody on TV. This half-assed positivity. Nobody’s buying their own bullshit. They’re handing out this plan and if we stick to the plan everything will come out great. They all know we’re going over the edge of the waterfall and nobody knows how high it is or what the fuck is down there... This thing’s going to take everything from me.
CLEMENTINE
This place of yours, it’s everything to you?
GLORIA
It really is. I busted my ass to get it and now... suddenly the streets are empty... What a mess.
CLEMENTINE
... You know I’ve never had a taco before.
GLORIA
... That doesn’t surprise me... You know what? Wait here. You have the honor of being my very last customer.
CLEMENTINE Okay.
IN THE DISTANCE WE HEAR A PARTY.
AVA
Everyone! Can I get your attention for a moment please?
CLEMENTINE
I’ll be right back, okay?
GLORIA
Sure.
CLEMENTINE MOVES TOWARD THE SOUND OF THE PARTY.
AVA
Thank you so much for coming to my farewell party, though I am convinced that sixty to sixty-five percent of you are here to make sure you don’t miss out on any gossip. Sorry to disappoint, but I won’t be doing anything more embarrassing than actually being a professor at this shit-sack of a university.
LIGHT LAUGHTER.
AVA (CONT’D)
Today I officially transitioned into emeritus status, the flaming viking boat of academia. I did so under viscous rumors that I have lost my mind, which I shall wear as a badge of honor. I am proud to join the ranks of other nutty professors like Paracelsus, who believed in giants, Tycho Brahe who wore a copper prosthetic nose after losing his real one in a fist fight, and Pythagoras who had an inexplicable fear of beans.
LAUGHTER.
AVA (CONT’D)
You only get one chance to make a parting statement, so here goes.
As we struggle to understand the universe, we may need to consider the idea that the universe is struggling to understand us. That our curiosity about the cosmos, may be reciprocated. Do our telescopes pointed skyward pose a question, and are the ebbs and flows of the starways an attempt at an answer. Are the scientist and their subject like two lovers in the dark; stumbling towards each other, hoping to find some skin... well, that got a little sexy didn’t it?
LAUGHTER. SUDDENLY TIME SPEEDS UP AND WE SPEED THROUGH THE REST OF THE EVENING, STOPPING AT THE END OF THE NIGHT.
AVA (CONT’D)
Good night everyone! Drive safe, there are dangerous deer out there! They LOVE going through your windshield. Can’t get enough of it.
FRONT DOOR CLOSES. AVA SITS AND POURS A DRINK.
AVA (CONT’D)
And that, as they say, is that... Oh....
CLEMENTINE
Hi.
AVA
Hark. A straggler.
CLEMENTINE
I liked your speech.
AVA
Thanks. Did I make a speech?
CLEMENTINE
Yes, it was at the beginning of the night.
AVA
Ah. Feels a million miles away. Who are you?
CLEMENTINE
Clementine.
AVA
Oh, that’s a name. I don’t think I’ve seen you around. Are you one of Dr. Baker’s little backup dancers? He’s always changing his lineup.
CLEMENTINE
Who’s Dr. Baker?
AVA
That’s what I say Clementine. Who is Dr. Baker?
CLEMENTINE
I don’t-
AVA
He’s a poodle.
CLEMENTINE
A poodle?
AVA
Inside joke. He’s one of those standard model jack-a-napes. You know the ones. Elbow patches, pipe-smoking, has children who hate him. Like a cliche eating itself from the inside out.
CLEMENTINE
What are you talking about?
AVA
Standard model of physics, Clementine. Keep up. Standard model, standard poodle. I started calling them all poodles.
CLEMENTINE
...Okay.
AVA
Okay but seriously who are you?
CLEMENTINE
I heard there was a party.
AVA
Boy, there was wasn’t there? Thank God for booze. It’s perfect for letting smart people enjoy stupid things.
CLEMENTINE
Why’d you have a party if you think they’re stupid?
AVA
... I said something about a flaming viking boat in my speech didn’t I?
CLEMENTINE Yes.
AVA
I was kind of putting on my own funeral tonight.
CLEMENTINE
You’re dying?
AVA
No, but my career is, which feels like death. But I did it to myself so I figured since I was the one that killed my career I should probably be the one to give it a funeral... You don’t look like a an undergrad. Grad student?
CLEMENTINE
Why don’t I look like an undergrad?
AVA
You’ve got this look about you. The look of someone who knows a few things but has no idea what to do with it all.
CLEMENTINE
Yeah, that’s about right.
AVA
How’d you end up at a faculty party? Are you dating your professor?
CLEMENTINE
No.
AVA
No shame, it happens to the best of us. Not to me, but to the other people, it happens to them.
CLEMENTINE
I uh... I was out somewhere and just sort of got swept over this way.
AVA
I recall that about college life. It’s late at night, you have a drink in your hand and you’re looking around thinking “Who’s house is this?”
CLEMENTINE
Turns out it’s yours.
AVA
Looks like it. What are you studying, Clementine? Let me guess... something useless... Philosophy?
CLEMENTINE
No.
AVA
Damn.
CLEMENTINE
... History.
AVA
Well I was right about the useless part.
CLEMENTINE
Studying history’s useless?
AVA
Sure it is.
CLEMENTINE
What if you really need to know what happened?
AVA
Then I suggest you just wait around. It’ll happen again. Would you like a drink?
CLEMENTINE
No, I shouldn’t.
AVA
Presbyterian?
CLEMENTINE
If I drink... I need to stay in control or things get weird.
AVA
Weird? How weird?
CLEMENTINE
You know, the boundaries of reality collapse in on themselves, stuff like that.
AVA
Okay... Clementine what are you doing in my house?
CLEMENTINE
You’re having a party.
AVA
Not anymore.
CLEMENTINE
... Why are people so obsessed with their careers? I see it all over the place. No matter where I go. I saw these coal miners, in this place called Wales, they were on strike and they were fighting with police and getting put in jail. They were fighting for their lives for these jobs and the jobs were... hours out of the day down a long, dark shaft under the earth. They were fighting for that.
AVA
What else could they do?
CLEMENTINE
It seems a strange thing to fight for.
AVA
It’s all they had, I suppose. If you took that away from them, who would they be? “This place called Wales.” You talk funny Clementine, do you have a brain tumor or something?
CLEMENTINE
I did have amnesia for a while.
AVA
Well, this is getting more interesting. Do you have it right now? Do I need to throw you down some stairs?
CLEMENTINE
No.
AVA
How’d you get it back?
CLEMENTINE
I just needed something to remind me.
AVA
What was it?
CLEMENTINE
It was the coal mine in Wales. I saw a deep, black pit and the darkness reminded me of where I was from.
AVA
Cincinatti?
CLEMENTINE
... No.
AVA
The suburbs of Cincinatti?
CLEMENTINE
Why is all this so important to you? Why are you calling this a funeral?
AVA
I made a terrible mistake, Clementine: I let it define me.
I convinced myself that this place and my office and my army of terrified teacher’s assistants was all I had. It started to define me so I had to kill it. That’s the problem with careers, they start to define you and you start defending them instead of defending yourself. I started defending myself and my career jumped in front of the bullet.
CLEMENTINE
You talk in this weird way where things keep changing position.
AVA
I’m a scientist, is what I mean. I’m a scientist, my career is not. My career is now gone and look at me... still a scientist. The career part is just about people looking at you, and owning a nice house in upstate New York.
CLEMENTINE
What’s this?
AVA
It’s an award.
CLEMENTINE
What for?
AVA
I was the lead on a very large study about gravity waves.
CLEMENTINE
What’s a gravity wave?
AVA
A gravity wave is, oof, you’re a history student and I have to explain gravity waves to you?
CLEMENTINE Yes.
AVA
Umm. Do you know what a supernova is?
CLEMENTINE
Oh yes.
AVA
Okay. In the massive explosion of a supernova, all kinds of stuff comes out. Like Iron. Iron is what made this planet.
CLEMENTINE
And gold.
AVA
And gold, correct. Look at you. Despite the fact that all kinds of things get flung out into the universe during a supernova, 99% of what gets released are neutrinos. A neutrino is very small and has almost no mass. When a neutrino hits you, you don’t even notice because it can barely even interact with your physical body. But a supernova is so powerful that it can bombard you with enough neutrinos to completely obliterate your body, and it can do that from 100,000,000 miles away.
CLEMENTINE Ouch.
AVA
Ouch, indeed, Clementine. And a supernova, as powerful as it is, is child’s play compared to a gravity wave.
CLEMENTINE
How powerful is a gravity wave?
AVA
Way off in deep space we observed a gravity wave. Two black holes collided and we sat there on Earth and watched. The gravity wave that the two black holes released generated 36 septillion yottawatts of power.
CLEMENTINE
Is that a lot?
AVA
Yes, Clementine. It’s greater than the energy generated by all of the stars in the universe combined. And that was an average one.
CLEMENTINE Shit.
AVA
But here’s the thing... here’s the part of my acceptance speech for that award that made everyone in Belguim pee their pants... That supernova I talked to you about, it could obliterate your body with Neutrinos. A gravity wave? A gravity wave could obliterate the fact that you ever existed in the first place. A gravity wave can erase you and all memory and evidence of you.
A gravity wave can be the cosmic bent paperclip sending the cosmos back to factory settings.
CLEMENTINE
That’s terrifying.
AVA
It can also not be that.
CLEMENTINE What?
AVA
Yeah. There’s no way to predict it. Sometimes it can be nothing, sometimes it can be total obliteration, and then sometimes it might just turn your socks pink.
CLEMENTINE
Wait, so, a gravity wave, it can change things unexpectedly. Like one minute, something is normal, and the next minute-
AVA
Pink socks, or suddenly the dinosaurs are alive, or magic is real, or the pacific ocean is chocolate syrup.
CLEMENTINE
So, it can be a good thing. Like if you like chocolate syrup that last one is a good thing.
AVA
Nobody likes chocolate syrup that much. And how would the migrating gray whales feel about a chocolatey sea?
CLEMENTINE
But it can be a good thing, right? A big change like that, it could be a blessing.
AVA
This is the problem with total annihilation, everyone wants to imagine they’re the one who made it out alive.
CLEMENTINE IS VERY SUDDENLY BACK AT GLORIA’S TAQUERIA.
GLORIA
Okay. Tacos... Clementine?
CLEMENTINE
Yes. Hi. Okay. Oh... look at all of these.
GLORIA
Crash course. Carnitas: simple. Slow cooked pork, shredded, spiced, put in your taco. Barbacoa: originally from the Caribbean, you ever wonder where the word barbecue comes from? There it is in your taco.
CLEMENTINE
Ok.
GLORIA
Tacos Al Pastor. End of the 19th century. A bunch of Lebanese people show up in Mexico and they say “hey, y’all ever thought about taking that big slab of meat and spinning it on a spit grill?” Presto, Tacos Al Pastor. And then: Carne Asada. This is very important, Carne Asada is a food but it’s also an event. “Would you like to come for Carne Asada on Sunday?” Like that. It’s also a symbol, as in “You are invited to the Carne Asada.” You are trusted, you are one of the family. Got it?
CLEMENTINE
No.
GLORIA
Great, let’s eat.
CLEMENTINE
What are you going to do now?
GLORIA
... Fuck, Clementine, really?
CLEMENTINE
Like, if you had the power to change things, what would you do?
GLORIA
I don’t really like to think that way.
CLEMENTINE
Why not?
GLORIA
Because I don’t have the power to change things. Why bother thinking about shit like that?
CLEMENTINE
I don’t know because... because maybe one day you will. Maybe one day you’ll wake up and suddenly have the power to change things.
GLORIA
Nobody wakes up suddenly having the power to change things.
CLEMENTINE
They do. Have you heard of Ashoka the Great?
GLORIA
No.
CLEMENTINE
Ruler of India. A long time ago I guess? His father passed away, and he woke up one morning as the ruler. After fighting a bloody war with a neighboring kingdom, he realized that he was the ruler of his kingdom, but still doing what his father expected of him. So he stopped going to war and became a Buddhist. Converted most of his kingdom to Buddhism too.
GLORIA
You’re kind of describing it like anyone can wake up one day to find they’re the king of India.
CLEMENTINE
I think they can.
GLORIA
I mean, I like the optimism, I’m kind of getting a contact high being this close to a bunch of optimism like that but, what am I supposed to do? Go to sleep at night hoping that I’ll be the King of India in the morning or should I maybe do something more productive with my life?
CLEMENTINE
I’m just asking you what you would do. It’s not going to kill you to imagine you’re the king of India for a second.
GLORIA
Ok fine, I’m the King of India. What now?
CLEMENTINE
Not really the King of India I mean... You can change whatever you want to change. What do you change?
GLORIA
Fine. Well, where do I start? Uh... several bad hair choices.
CLEMENTINE
Think bigger.
GLORIA
Okay. Colonialism.
CLEMENTINE
Okay but, now a little more personal.
GLORIA
It’s pretty personal.
CLEMENTINE
You know what I mean.
GLORIA
I don’t know. It took a lot a planning to get to this place. I worked hard on the plan. If I was waving some kind of magic wand around I would just say “Hey, respect the plan, Life.” I don’t need a lot, just for the plan to be respected. I mean, they’re saying now that all this, the empty streets, everyone hiding inside, is all because of a bat in China. And here I am in a taco joint in the greater Phoenix area and a Chinese bat is fucking up my life. How am I supposed to function in a world like that? ... I lost my parents when I was eighteen. Something coming out of nowhere like that is terrifying, so I started making plans. The plans worked for a long time, but now. Now I don’t know how to live in the world anymore... So that’s all I would do. I don’t need to convert India to Buddhism I just need everybody to stick to the plan, y’know? Props to your friend Ashoka though, convincing a whole kingdom to meditate must’ve been a pain in the ass.
CLEMENTINE BEGINS TO HEAR A VIOLENT AND ICY WIND.
CLEMENTINE
Yeah. He was really something... Great kisser too.
GLORIA
What?
CLEMENTINE
I have to go, Gloria. Thanks for the tacos.
GLORIA
You didn’t try anything... Clementine?
WE MOVE FROM GLORIA’S TAQUERIA TO THE ICY SURFACE OF A DISTANT PLANET. CLEMENTINE’S FEET CRUNCH THE ICE UNDER HER FEET. CLEMENTINE’S FOOT TRIPS A WIRE AND WE HEAR THE WHIRRING OF MECHANICAL DEVICES AROUND HERE, AND THEN THE BEEPING OF THREE TARGETING DEVICES.
CLEMENTINE
Uhh...
LEIF
(In a loudspeaker.)
Hi there, stranger. You’ve just stepped on a Scorpion Back. See those three plasma canons pointed at you right now? If you take one more step forward, they’re going to turn you into corn chowder. In case you don’t know, you’re on Quilandis, a barely habitable ice giant. And on an icy planet it is always chowder season.
CLEMENTINE
... What’s your name?
LEIF
Lady, you’re approaching a hidden fort on a remote planet with no population and you think I’m in the mood to have a conversation with you?
CLEMENTINE
Well... yeah. Must’ve been a while since you’ve talked to someone. Aren’t you going crazy?
LEIF
I appreciate your concern, but I’m going to be just fine.
CLEMENTINE
C’mon. I’m Clementine. What’s your name?
LEIF
Clementine?
CLEMENTINE Yeah.
LEIF
That’s not a name you encounter on the outer rim of Triangulum.
CLEMENTINE
Well it’s the only one I’ve got. Sort of.
LEIF
Look. I’m the only thing on this planet. Which means you’re here because I’m here. That’s not good for me. So I’m afraid you’re going to have to turn around and go back to wherever you came from because the only other option involves you being dead.
CLEMENTINE
(Sighs.)
Okay. Have it your way.
CLEMENTINE STARTS WALKING FORWARD. THE PLASMA CANONS OPEN FIRE. CLEMENTINE KEEPS WALKING. THE CANONS EVENTUALLY SLOW TO A STOP.
CLEMENTINE (CONT’D)
Ow.
CLEMENTINE BANGS ON THE STEEL DOOR OF THE HIDEOUT.
CLEMENTINE (CONT’D) Hello?...
A SMALL OPENING SLIDES OPEN IN THE DOOR.
LEIF
What the fuck?
CLEMENTINE
Guess they missed.
LEIF
Who are you?
CLEMENTINE
I just said, I’m Clementine.
LEIF
What do you want?
CLEMENTINE
Um. Oh. Okay. My ship crashed. There we go. My ship crashed over the uh, hill, and I’m waiting for assistance... I saw your smokestack there... c’mon it’s cold, aren’t you cold?
LEIF
It is cold, how are you dressed for a day on the beach?
CLEMENTINE
I was just having lunch with a friend.
LEIF
What?
CLEMENTINE
Who are you hiding from? Kinda feels like you’re hiding.
LEIF
Maybe I just like it here.
CLEMENTINE
Yeah... Yeah it is a beautiful planet but... seems like the kind you’d only want to see in pictures. So you’re really the only one on the whole planet, huh?
LEIF
Not anymore.
CLEMENTINE
... We’re just going to do it like this? Me outside, you in there?
LEIF
For the time being... You from Pathos?
CLEMENTINE
What difference would that make?
LEIF
It would explain why you’re not freezing to death.
CLEMENTINE
Then yes. I’m from there.
LEIF
I thought Pathians all had blue skin.
CLEMENTINE
Common misconception. Look at me... C’mon, I’m obviously unarmed. What could I even do to you?
LEIF TAKES THE BAR OFF THE DOOR AND OPENS IT.
CLEMENTINE (CONT’D) Thank you.
LEIF
Stand over in the corner until I’m convinced you’re not here to kill me.
CLEMENTINE
Okay... So... this place is a piece of shit.
LEIF
Wasn’t expecting company.
CLEMENTINE
Who are we hiding from?
LEIF
Several interested parties.
CLEMENTINE
What’d you do?
LEIF
Many, many things.
CLEMENTINE
Do you want to be any more specific than that?
LEIF
With a total stranger? No.
CLEMENTINE Okay.
LEIF
Does your ship have an emergency beacon?
CLEMENTINE
What ship?
LEIF
...The ship you came here on.
CLEMENTINE
Oh. Right. I have no idea.
LEIF
Great... Just great...
CLEMENTINE
Everything okay?
LEIF
Throughout life, you want to be left alone and someone finds you. You need a friend and there’s no one around.
CLEMENTINE
I’ll be your friend.
LEIF
I was talking about the first part. Wanting to be left alone.
CLEMENTINE
No offense, whoever you are, but if you’re letting a total stranger into your little snow fort it’s about the second part: wanting a friend.
LEIF
Leif.
CLEMENTINE
Clementine.
LEIF
I heard.
CLEMENTINE
So who’s chasing you?
LEIF
Might be better to list who isn’t.
CLEMENTINE
Uh oh.
LEIF
You’re currently hanging out with a criminal.
CLEMENTINE
A paranoid man hiding out in a snow fort surrounded by booby traps? I’m shocked.
LEIF
There’s always two sets of laws. The laws everyone has agreed on and the laws set up by the ones who don’t follow those laws. You can always violate one set of those laws and then be safe in the other set of laws. Criminals protect criminals, citizens protect citizens. You get into real trouble when you break laws in both places. Then you have nowhere to hide.
CLEMENTINE
Except a big icy planet?
LEIF
Yes.
CLEMENTINE
Sounds like you’re in a lot of trouble, Leif.
LEIF
I am.
CLEMENTINE
... So what happens now? You live in this fort forever?
LEIF
I’ve been calculating my next move while simultaneously trying to figure out how it all went wrong.
CLEMENTINE
And how’s THAT going?
LEIF
Not great. I’m usually pretty good at getting out of things.
CLEMENTINE
How do... how do you find the point where it all went wrong?
LEIF
What do you mean?
CLEMENTINE
I imagine you didn’t plan on your life ending up this way.
LEIF
No, of course I didn’t.
CLEMENTINE
I’ve been trying to figure that out. I have this really complicated problem that I’ve been trying to unravel. It’s confusing... I’ve been thinking that if I can find the point where it all went wrong then I can fix it.
LEIF
I think that’s kind of a fantasy, Clementine.
CLEMENTINE
No, I don’t think it is. I don’t think it has to be. One time someone said to me, that if you can boil something down to one word, if you can make things that simple, make it all into one thing, you can figure it out.
LEIF
Nothing’s ever one thing.
CLEMENTINE
People keep saying that to me and I hate it.
LEIF
It’s true though. The universe is a complicated place.
CLEMENTINE
You try it.
LEIF
What do you mean?
CLEMENTINE
Look around. Your life sucks. Try and boil it down to one thing. One word and one word only. How did you get here?
LEIF
...Anger.
THE SOUND OF THREE OBJECTS CRASHING DOWN OUTSIDE THE FORT. THEY TRANSFORM AND WE HEAR MECHANICAL WALKING. IT’S THE TEDBOTS.
LEIF (CONT’D)
Fuck.
CLEMENTINE
What was that?
LEIF OPENS THE PEEP HOLE ON THE DOOR.
LEIF
Shit.
CLEMENTINE
Leif, what’s happening?
TEDBOT
(Outside the fort.)
Attention inside the building. Exit immediately and surrender all weapons.
LEIF
Remember those two sets of rules I told you about?
CLEMENTINE Yes.
LEIF
Here comes one.
CLEMENTINE
What do you mean?
LEIF
It’s the Teds. Just sit tight, okay? When those bots come in here just tell them you were my prisoner and they’ll arrange for transport back to your home planet, understand?
CLEMENTINE
What are you going to do?
LEIF
My ship’s out back, I’ll be fine... I haven’t talked to another living soul for a very long time, Clementine. I appreciate you breaking the streak. Hey, tell your grandkids one day that you used to hang out with outlaws, that’ll be fun.
CLEMENTINE Okay.
LEIF
Gotta go.
A SECRET DOOR SLIDES OPEN AND CLOSED AGAIN. WE HEAR THE ENGINES OF THE NANCY SINATRA BEGIN TO POWER UP.
TEDBOT
(Outside the fort.)
Attention inside the building. Exit immediately and surrender all weapons.
CLEMENTINE WALKS OUTSIDE.
TEDBOT (CONT’D)
Do not move. Identify yourself.
OUTSIDE THE FORT WE HEAR A HUGE PULSE OF ENERGY AND THE SOUND OF THE TEDBOTS BEING DESTROYED. AFTER A MOMENT SHE WALKS BACK INSIDE. WE HEAR KNOCKING ON THE SECRET DOOR.
CLEMENTINE
Hey Leif? Leif the robots blew up.
LEIF
(Inside the Nancy Sinatra.)
What?
THE DOOR SLIDES OPEN.
LEIF (CONT’D)
What?
CLEMENTINE
Kaboom.
LEIF
They exploded?
CLEMENTINE Yes.
LEIF
That’s... Weird. Stay here okay?
CLEMENTINE Okay.
DOOR TO THE FORT SLOWLY OPENS. IN THE DISTANCE WE HEAR CASPAR.
CASPAR
... Look we can go round and round about this all day, it doesn’t matter... It doesn’t matter, we can’t afford any of those places, we might as well be talking about sending him to the moon... No-...
CLEMENTINE MOVES TOWARD CASPAR AND WE TRANSITION TO OUTSIDE THE DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES.
CASPAR (CONT’D)
...What do we think is the most possible thing? That we pull off a bank heist and can suddenly afford a private school or that he learns to adjust his attitude somehow?... I know... I know, everybody’s teacher sucks, that’s school... Jesus, I know you had good teachers, you also went to school in fucking Vermont, urban decay, you’ve heard of it... Okay well you can keep thinking about all that stuff and I’ll keep thinking about, y’know, actual reality, I’ll see you at home... Jesus Christ, I’m on a break.
CLEMENTINE
Doesn’t sound like you’re on a break, it sounds like you’re yelling at someone on your phone.
CASPAR
It’s how I relax. What was your name again? Persimmon?
CLEMENTINE
Clementine.
CASPAR
Right. Clementine. How’s that last name coming?
CLEMENTINE
I’ve got some options, help me pick.
CASPAR
No.
CLEMENTINE
Leapflame.
CASPAR
...What?
CLEMENTINE
I saw it on the side of a ship one time.
CASPAR
What kind of ship was this? Was it carrying elves?
CLEMENTINE
That’s a “no”, then?
CASPAR
Clementine Leapflame, are you fucking serious?
CLEMENTINE
You pick one.
CASPAR
No.
CLEMENTINE
You work in this building, aren’t you supposed to help me?
CASPAR
You’re misunderstanding the point of municipal buildings.
CLEMENTINE
What’s your last name?
CASPAR
Mine comes from a ship too, my name is Caspar The Queen Mary.
CELL PHONE RINGS.
CLEMENTINE
You’re phone’s ringing.
CASPAR
I’ve been wondering what that sound is, thank you.
PHONE CONTINUES TO RING.
CLEMENTINE
Girlfriend?
CASPAR
Wife.
CLEMENTINE
Ah... We don’t have marriage where I’m from.
CASPAR
You don’t have it?
CLEMENTINE
No.
CASPAR
Like satellite television? It’s just not available in your area?
CLEMENTINE
No, there’s a whole theory behind it. It’s important to have genetic diversity, so we’re encouraged to have multiple partners in our lifetime.
CASPAR
Oh... Okay... Okay it’s all becoming clear to me now.
CLEMENTINE What?
CASPAR
You come from some sort of commune out in the countryside, don’t you? The kind they’re going to make a documentary about in 10 years because you all decided to kill yourselves so you’d get beamed up to the mothership or whatever?
CLEMENTINE
What?!
CASPAR
You have no last name and your first name is a fruit AND you come from some sort of free love cult, I didn’t think you guys existed anymore.
CLEMENTINE
That’s not where I’m from at all.
CASPAR
Okay, I don’t have the energy to suss your origin out right now because I’m on a break.
CLEMENTINE
Okay, what should we talk about?
CASPAR
Nothing. Because I’m on a break.
CLEMENTINE
Okay... What about when you’re done with your break?
CASPAR
When I’m done with my break you have to take a number to talk to me.
CLEMENTINE Okay.
CELL PHONE RINGS.
CLEMENTINE (CONT’D)
Phone’s ringing again.
CASPAR
Thanks.
AS CASPAR’S PHONE RINGS WE HEAR THE HUM OF THE NANCY SINATRA.
LEIF
There’s a station nearby but it’s pretty bare bones. Find the station manager and they’ll arrange for emergency transport, okay? Sorry, it’s the best I can do.
CLEMENTINE
I’ll be okay... Sorry if I ruined things for you.
LEIF
It was only a matter of time before someone found me. I’m surprised it took this long, honestly.
CLEMENTINE
Then what’ll you do?
LEIF
I will... I will have to ditch my ship. That’s going to be a tough one. I’ve had this ship for a long time. There’s an asteroid belt with a mining colony I’ve had my eye on. I make it look like a rock, give it a shove, and then I hitch a ride.
CLEMENTINE
Where?
LEIF
No idea.
CLEMENTINE
...Anger.
LEIF
What?
CLEMENTINE
You said the reason your life sucked was because of anger.
LEIF
Oh, right.
CLEMENTINE
What did you mean by that?
LEIF
People rarely come off the way they actually feel. The calm ones tend to be the most nervous, the open and loving ones tend to be the control freaks, the devoutly religious, consistently, the biggest sexual freaks you’ll ever meet in your life... You wouldn’t know it to look at me. When I was young I was pretty mad. Mad at my parents then mad at my planet then mad at the universe. That anger became pretty important to me. Living in that anger was more important to me than the people in my life were. I lost them and held onto the anger. And then, one day, I wasn’t angry anymore. When I realized that, I took a look around and everyone was gone. Now I’m on the outer rim of Triangulum, about to give up my only possession. Pretty inconvenient that time only moves forward.
WE SHIFT BACK TO AVA’S HOUSE.
CLEMENTINE
What if you could do it all over again?
AVA
All over again?
CLEMENTINE
How does that sound?
AVA
Exhausting.
CLEMENTINE
No, I mean, do something different this time.
AVA
Do what different this time? You don’t even know what you’re talking about.
CLEMENTINE
Aren’t you, y’know. Full of regret?
AVA
No.
CLEMENTINE
Oh.
AVA
This is the problem with humans. Things go wrong and they say “Ah, if only I’d done this that and the other thing.” Why? What if you didn’t do anything wrong? What if the world was wrong and you were right?
CLEMENTINE
What did you do?
AVA
I contradicted them.
CLEMENTINE
Who is them?
AVA
Pretty much everybody.
CLEMENTINE
Seriously, though.
AVA
Imagine a group of men gathered around a map. They’re all looking at the map trying to figure out which way to go. Then you discover that they have the map upside down. What do you do?
CLEMENTINE
Tell them the map is upside down.
AVA
Right. Here’s the problem: all of the men looking at the map have spent a lifetime telling everyone that they are really good at looking at maps. They’ve written books about their amazing map-looking prowess, they have toured the world making speeches about the their magical map-looking abilities. What happens to them now if you tell them they’re looking at the map wrong.
CLEMENTINE
They’ll be fine.
AVA
Ah, but this is what I was talking about before. The career defining you, taking over everything about you. For them, there wasn’t person there anymore, just a career. If you threaten the career you threaten their existence.
It would be an existential crisis for them if you were to say: “Hey. Map’s upside down.”
CLEMENTINE
Do it anyway.
AVA
I did, Clementine... It was me against them and I was outnumbered... So here we are now. I’m drunk and my viking boat is on fire.
CLEMENTINE
Oh.
AVA
Sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s the world.
CLEMENTINE
And all you can do is sit there?
AVA
Tonight that’s all I can do.
BACK TO THE DMV.
CASPAR
807?
CLEMENTINE
Yes, that’s me.
CASPAR
No, it’s not.
CLEMENTINE
Look, here’s my little number.
CASPAR
You’re not Samantha Hjalmarson.
CLEMENTINE
Sure I am.
CASPAR
Clementine, where is Samantha Hjalmarson and what have you done with her?
CLEMENTINE
She gave me her ticket.
CASPAR
Why?
CLEMENTINE
Because I gave her something.
CASPAR
What?
CLEMENTINE Gold.
CASPAR
Uh huh.
CLEMENTINE
A lot of people like it.
CASPAR
I’ve heard. Why are you here?
CLEMENTINE
Well, I figured if I had a number, you would have to talk with me, you couldn’t keep saying “I’m on a break”.
CASPAR
You’re slowing things down and there’s a lot of people here who don’t want to be here.
CLEMENTINE
You’re one of those people.
CASPAR
I am.
CLEMENTINE
I don’t know. I kind of like it. There’s something comforting about it all.
CASPAR
That’s the warm embrace of a semi-organized mostly-deficient local government you’re feeling. Probably a nice change from whatever goat farm you came from.
CLEMENTINE
I want to make you a deal.
CASPAR
Okay.
CLEMENTINE
Just let me ask you one question and get one honest answer and I promise I’ll leave you alone.
CASPAR
Samantha Hjalmarson got gold and all I get is you leaving?
CLEMENTINE
I’m out of gold now.
CASPAR
Why would I do this?
CLEMENTINE
Well, I don’t know a lot about the world.
CASPAR
That’s shocking to hear.
CLEMENTINE
And when you don’t know a lot about the world you have to go with your instincts. My instincts tell me that you would actually like to answer a question from a total stranger.
CASPAR
Why?
CLEMENTINE
Because you spend your one break out of the day arguing with someone on the phone. Nobody asks questions in a argument. I imagine you miss being asked questions. I imagine you miss someone being curious about you.
CASPAR
... Ask your question.
CLEMENTINE
What were you arguing about on the phone?
CASPAR
... My son. My son is... well, he’s very smart and that’s a problem.
CLEMENTINE
That doesn’t sound like a problem.
CASPAR
It is. Try and imagine it on a spectrum. On one end of the spectrum you have total dummies. And those dummies, god bless them, are very happy. But then as you travel across the spectrum and people get smarter, their happiness level gets lower and lower. Eventually you get to a point where someone’s high intelligence is now actually making them unhappy.
Because now they’re so smart that they can’t take the world at face value anymore. These are the people who always see the bad news in the good, they can’t celebrate small victories because there are so many more to win, give them a free car and they think about the yearly maintenance fees. These are the people who can find a lead lining in every cloud.
CLEMENTINE
And that’s your son?
CASPAR
No, that’s me. My son, well he’s several steps past me on this scale. He thinks that literally everything in the world is stupid. A farce. Everything’s a facade to him... Try convincing a kid like that that he needs to do his homework. It’s not like there are many kids out there that like doing their homework but few of them flat out refuse and then cite the fact that Finland has banned all homework and have better educated students than most countries. That’s my son. He’s twelve.
CLEMENTINE
He sounds like an interesting kid.
CASPAR
There’s a lot of really interesting, really lonely, really miserable people out there. I don’t want him to be lonely and I don’t want him to be miserable. And I make him miserable. I try not to but something always gets the better of me. I worry about him a lot and it makes me do stupid things.
CLEMENTINE
I understand... You know, if you’re worried about him, I can help.
CASPAR
Please don’t.
CLEMENTINE
If I concentrate really hard, sometimes I can see what’s going to happen, watch this...
CASPAR
Clementine... I’ll be honest you have really helped break up the monotony, but I think you need to go back to whatever magical toadstool kingdom you came from and let me get on with my day.
CLEMENTINE
... Oh God.
CASPAR
... Clementine?
CLEMENTINE
... Caspar, sometimes it’s not you, sometimes it’s the world.
CASPAR
What?
CLEMENTINE
Thanks for talking with me.
CASPAR
Okay...
CLEMENTINE WALKS TOWARD THE DOOR TO THE DMV, WHEN SHE SWINGS THE DOOR OPEN TO THE OUTSIDE, SHE IS SUDDENLY IN A FIELD OF TALL GRASS. THE WIND IS BLOWING. CLEMENTINE MAKES HER WAY THROUGH THE TALL GRASS. EVENTUALLY SHE STOPS AND A SCREEN DOOR OPENS.
CLEMENTINE
(Bad southern accent.)
Uh, Howdy. How y’all doin’? I was just walkin’ down this here road and got to thinkin’ to myself, “Well shoot, is this here the house of-”
EFFIE
Dear. No.
CLEMENTINE
... I-
EFFIE
How about you take whatever you’re making an attempt at and lay it there on those steps? Come inside, please.
SCREEN DOOR CLOSES.
CLEMENTINE
...
CLEMENTINE CAUTIOUSLY MAKES HER WAY UP THE WOODEN STEPS AND OPENS THE SCREEN DOOR.
SONG:
EFFIE
Have a seat.
ZEBULON
Tea’s ready, Dear.
EFFIE
Oh thank you. Pour me a cup would you? Would you like some tea?
CLEMENTINE
Some...
EFFIE
Have some, it’s good for the constitution, make one for our guest, Dear.
ZEBULON POURS A CUP OF TEA FOR CLEMENTINE.
ZEBULON
Here you are. Milk?
CLEMENTINE What?
ZEBULON
For your tea?
CLEMENTINE
Oh. No.
EFFIE
I can tell a whole lot from a person by how they take their tea.
CLEMENTINE
You can?
EFFIE
Oh yes. Milk and sugar means their needs are complicated. Perhaps a bit of artifice. Just milk and no sugar means one is deep in their thoughts, perhaps at work on something that vexes them. And then there’s those who take nothing at all. That could mean one of two things. Either they favor honesty, or they have a heck of a time trusting anyone. And here you and I are, both of us with nothing in our tea...
CLEMENTINE
... I’m not in the past.
EFFIE
No. You are not.
CLEMENTINE
Where am I?
EFFIE
Our house, of course.
CLEMENTINE
But...
EFFIE
Good luck figuring that out, Dear. What’s your name?
CLEMENTINE
... Clementine.
EFFIE
Oh, well that’s a lovely name.
ZEBULON
We’ve known a Clementine, have we not?
EFFIE
Yes, the McMurtries. Their little girl?
ZEBULON
Oh yes, Tiny.
EFFIE
They called her Tiny for short because she was just a wee thing. Cute as a button. The McMurtries had a dairy farm and if the sun was up, you just knew Shayla McMurtry was out there messing with those cows somehow.
ZEBULON
And Tiny was always right along with her.
EFFIE
She was. Shayla even had her a little bucket made so she could pretend to milk the cows with her mama. Tiny was a little over-zealous with the milking, as I recall.
ZEBULON
Oh, yes. Tiny would try to milk any old thing, the hogs, the chickens.
EFFIE
Even tried to milk the cat one time, Lord forgive her.
ZEBULON
And then grew up quite quickly.
EFFIE
She did. Shot up like a bean pole. That nickname of hers went from appropriate to ironic in the span of a few short years.
ZEBULON
Had to duck down to walk through the front door.
EFFIE
And despite the fact that she grew up to look like Paul Bunyan’s wife we kept to calling her Tiny, didn’t we?
ZEBULON
Such things tend to linger.
EFFIE
They do. Memories of a happy time can truly stay with one from cradle to grave, can’t they Clementine?
CLEMENTINE
I wouldn’t know.
EFFIE
Would you not? Why is that?
CLEMENTINE
I don’t have any.
EFFIE
Memories?
CLEMENTINE
Happy ones.
EFFIE
... Well you poor thing.
ZEBULON
Now, Clementine surely there’s some things you can recall fondly. A bad memory or two can move like a storm across a life. Darkening the landscape, causing us to forget that there’s a blue sky just past the gray.
CLEMENTINE
You were the voice I heard.
EFFIE
What’s that now?
CLEMENTINE
You were the voice I heard in the radio. You were the voice I followed.
ZEBULON
It’s very possible. My wife and I are always sending out the word along the airwaves. It can end up in most interesting of places.
CLEMENTINE
What is happening?
EFFIE
We’re getting to know each other, Clementine, isn’t that why you stopped by?
CLEMENTINE
...
EFFIE
I certainly hope there isn’t some other nefarious purpose to you showing up on our front steps. I certainly hope this visit isn’t some attempt to nose your snout around in something that isn’t your business.
CLEMENTINE
If I’m not in the past where am I?
EFFIE
Hard to say.
CLEMENTINE
It’s your house, though.
EFFIE
Is it?
CLEMENTINE
I don’t like this.
CLEMENTINE PUTS DOWN HER TEA AND GETS UP TO GO.
EFFIE
Clementine, sit your butt back down in that chair.
CLEMENTINE
...
ZEBULON
From time to time my father would wander off into those woods there with his shotgun looking for a dusky grouse or two. He was quite the hunter when he wanted to be.
He’d often recount to me that in his wanderings through those trees he could hear the call of one particular grouse that he could not seem to set eyes on. Over many seasons he would always hear it’s call, yet could never manage to get it in his crosshairs. It became quite the obsession. His own little feathered white whale off there in the brush. Every spring he would return from an excursion quite vexed, always hearing its call and never able to find it. Then one day he realized his folly. There was no grouse. One of our neighbors who would hunt at the same time as my father had himself a very convincing grouse call that he had whittled out of a tree branch. He’d spent all that time searching for something that didn’t exist.
EFFIE
And perhaps that’s it. You saw something that looked to you like our bygone years, chased after it, and found yourself somewhere else entirely.
CLEMENTINE
...Which is where?
EFFIE
Our house, Dear... I’m done with my tea. You’ve hardly touched yours, is it too hot?...
CLEMENTINE
...
EFFIE
There’s this tradition that runs in my family. When your tea is done you turn the cup over into your saucer, and the arrangement of what’s left behind can be used for a bit of divination. Isn’t that something? Couldn’t tell you how many eggs you’ve got in the hen house or some such but the arrangement of the leaves could give one the broad strokes, you understand. The gist of things. Lets you know of a harsh winter on the way, or if your sweetheart is to ask for your hand in marriage... or if an enemy is about...
EFFIE TURNS HER TEA CUP OVER IN HER SAUCER.
EFFIE (CONT’D)
What’re your thoughts, Dear? Shall I lift up this cup and see what the leaves are telling me?
ZEBULON
As always I think we’re better served by honesty than by divination.
EFFIE
Very well then. Honesty. Anything you wish to share with us, Clementine?
CLEMENTINE
... I know you’re trying to stop me. You can’t stop me.
EFFIE
All’s we’re doing is having tea, Clementine.
CLEMENTINE
I don’t know who you two are, or what you are, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing can stop me.
THUNDER CRASHES IN THE DISTANCE.
ZEBULON
Stop you? Clementine, what is it you seek to do?
CLEMENTINE
We had everything taken from us. Everything. Now we’re wandering around in the darkness... We’re so scared. We’re scared and I’m going to stop it all. I can do that now, I can stop it all.
THE STORM OUTSIDE GROWS IN INTENSITY.
EFFIE
Listen to you, you’re talking to yourself just as much as you are to us.
CLEMENTINE
Stay out of my way. You have no idea what I’m capable of.
CLEMENTINE WALKS OUT THE FRONT DOOR INTO THE STORM.
EFFIE
...Children.
WE MOVE OUTSIDE. CLEMENTINE RUSHES THROUGH THE TALL GRASS AS RAIN BEGINS TO FALL. SHE HURRIEDLY RECITES SOMETHING TO HERSELF.
CLEMENTINE
...Time is the substance I am made of. Time is a river that sweeps me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire which consumes me... but I am the fire.
AS CLEMENTINE SPEAKS, THE STORM SUBSIDES.
ZEBULON
Clementine.
CLEMENTINE
So this was your plan? Lure me in and then try to stop me? Is that why you called out to me? How did you have the power to do that?
ZEBULON
I have no power Clementine. Nor does my wife. We are empty vessels through which the spirit passes, that is all.
CLEMENTINE
I don’t know what that means.
ZEBULON
Clementine you have turned us into enemies while knowing nothing about us.
CLEMENTINE
I know all sorts of things about you now. Maybe not you and your wife, but I’ve learned a lot from the others.
ZEBULON
And you have nothing to fear from us.
CLEMENTINE
She just called me an enemy!
ZEBULON
My wife can sense things more than others. She does sense something in you.
CLEMENTINE
I can sense something in her.
ZEBULON
Anger, Clementine. She senses your anger as I can sense your power. Power can be a burden, as anger can be. I see you as twice encumbered. But then I look deeper. Sadness, confusion, fear. You must begin to lay these burdens down, lest you burden others with them as well-
CLEMENTINE
No... No, you can’t get inside my head. You have no idea how hard it is to keep everything straight in my head, if I lose control it all-
ANOTHER THUNDERCLAP IN THE DISTANCE.
CLEMENTINE (CONT’D)
...There was a point when I was nothing. I didn’t exist but I could still feel myself. I had to reach out and put myself together, one small piece of myself at a time... I don’t even know if I did it right. This isn’t my body... I made this... when I was done I woke up in a parking lot. And then I had to remember who I was and where I came from and I had to hold all of that together too. I may look powerful to you but every moment I exist is a struggle. One wrong move and it could all unravel again. And then, in the middle of all that, you people show up and try to fuck up my plans.
ZEBULON
And what is this plan, Clementine? What is this thing you’re so scared of us taking away from you?
CLEMENTINE
If I can remake myself, I can remake everything. When I remembered where I was from, who I was before, I knew I had to stop it from ever happening. We were just wandering in the darkness. The stars had burned out. No light anywhere. And I know I can stop it, if I can just do it right. I’m so close, and if you all keep distracting me, you’re going to ruin everything. And you’re going to keep distracting me, aren’t you?
ZEBULON
The particulars of our mission always fall to someone other than myself and that’s to our benefit. So, I can’t tell you what our next actions will be. But I can tell you that, once on our path, we do not waver.
CLEMENTINE
That’s a shame... I’m going to have to do something about that. I’ll try not to make it hurt.
CLEMENTINE DISAPPEARS.
ZEBULON
“Proclaim this among the nations: Prepare for war.”
WE SLOWLY MOVE TO LATE AT NIGHT OUTSIDE THE HORIZON MOTEL. THE DOOR TO THE OFFICE OPENS AND FRANK WALKS INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE PARKING LOT.
FRANK
I know you’re up there, Clementine.
CLEMENTINE
Hey, Frank... How’d you know it was me?
FRANK
It was either you or eight tiny reindeer...
CLEMENTINE
...You can yell at me again if you want.
FRANK
...Hey, is there a frisbee up there?
CLEMENTINE
Um... this round thing?
FRANK
Yes.
CLEMENTINE
I’ll bring it down.
FRANK
Thanks.
CLEMENTINE LEAPS TO THE GROUND.
CLEMENTINE
What does it do?
FRANK
Give it to me and go stand over there.
CLEMENTINE
Okay... Now what?
FRANK
Keep your eye on it. Three... two... one.
CLEMENTINE
Oh!
FRANK
Good catch.
CLEMENTINE
What else does it do?
FRANK
That’s it.
CLEMENTINE
It’s fun... I’m scared to throw it back.
FRANK
I’m also scared for you to throw it back.
CLEMENTINE
...Thanks for not yelling at me.
FRANK
What good would it have done? It was a year ago, here we are now.
CLEMENTINE
It was a year ago?
FRANK
Yes.
CLEMENTINE
Oh. Weird, I thought I was getting better at that. I’ve been really distracted.
FRANK
Everything okay?
CLEMENTINE
Yeah. It will be... Where’s June?
FRANK
It’s one in the morning, Clementine. June’s either at her home, someone else’s home, or the bar.
CLEMENTINE
Oh. Sorry. What are you doing here?
FRANK
I sleep here sometimes.
CLEMENTINE
Oh. Why?
FRANK
Honestly I sleep here all the time. I came back to town when I took this place over after my dad. I haven’t really worked out where I live yet.
CLEMENTINE
Your Dad, he passed away?
FRANK
He did, yeah.
CLEMENTINE
I’m sorry.
FRANK
Thank you.
CLEMENTINE
My... I lost my mother.
FRANK
You remember.
CLEMENTINE
Yeah... I was uh, I don’t really know how to explain it but it all came rushing back to me. All at once. I had to remember losing her all over again.
FRANK
That’s fucking terrible, Clementine. I’m so sorry.
CLEMENTINE
I’m okay. Now I’m okay.
FRANK
I can’t imagine having to go through that twice.
CLEMENTINE
It was good that I did. It was good, it... It made me decide something.
FRANK
What’s that?
CLEMENTINE
That I’m never going to lose anything ever again.
FRANK
Really?
CLEMENTINE Yes.
FRANK
That... sounds pretty impossible.
CLEMENTINE
That’s just because you don’t know me, Frank.
FRANK
Okay.
CLEMENTINE
...If you could bring him back, would you?
FRANK
That’s a bad question to ask yourself.
CLEMENTINE
I know, I know. It’s crazy. But just come with me into the craziness. If you could have...not Bring him back but... if you could’ve made it all never have happened, would you?
FRANK
I think anyone would.
CLEMENTINE
What if there was something you had to do to make that happen? Is there anything you wouldn’t do?
FRANK
... No... I hate to say it but no, honestly there’s nothing I wouldn’t do... I miss him all the time.
CLEMENTINE
Okay... Thanks for not asking me a bunch of questions.
FRANK
I’ve decided I don’t want to know the answers to any questions I have for you.
CLEMENTINE Okay.
FRANK
Don’t take that the wrong way.
CLEMENTINE
I wont... Hey, do you mind if I stay here tonight?
FRANK
Well, we are a motel.
CLEMENTINE
It feels safe here. I can pay you. I’ve got, hang on... I’ve got this, does this work?
FRANK
...That looks like about a thousand Canadian dollars, Clementine.
CLEMENTINE
Is that enough?
FRANK
It’s fine.
CLEMENTINE
At least it’s not more gold.
FRANK
Please don’t bring up the gold. You’re in room 7. The door’s unlocked, key’s in the bedside table.
CLEMENTINE Fun.
FRANK
Do you need a bucket of ice?
CLEMENTINE
No, I think I’ll go right to bed. I’ve got a big day tomorrow, Frank.
FRANK
Oh yeah, what are you doing?
CLEMENTINE
I’m not doing anything. But there’s all sorts of things I need to undo... Goodnight Frank.
DOOR CLOSES.
FRANK
Goodnight, Clementine.
THE END