Interlude: How They Sleep at Night
SFX: OUTSIDE THE DINER, THE SOUND OF SPACE-TIME FLYING BY.
SHEL
Hello?
GLORIA
Oh, hey. How are you feeling?
SHEL
Pretty weird. These lamps aren’t the same thing as the sun.
GLORIA
I know. But we’ll have to make do for a while.
SHEL
I know.
GLORIA
Also, if we show up somewhere and it’s night time, or if we’re not on a planet at all, you’re probably going to have to spend some time under the lamps. You’ll be okay. Leif and Ava did the math.
SHEL
Why does Ava have something on her face?
AVA
It’s a night mask and that means we’re quiet.
GLORIA
She sleeps in her booth.
AVA
I theoretically sleep in my booth. It requires much more silence.
GLORIA
Shel, we’re kind of on a learning curve here. We’re all human so we know what to expect from each other. Do you sleep?
SHEL
Yes. I was sleeping just now. I’m sure it’s different from whatever you all do. When I sleep I develop another layer of my body, is that what you do?
GLORIA
No, another layer?
SHEL
Yes. Is that weird?
AVA
Like a tree?
SHEL
Yeah, sort of.
GLORIA
So, while you were asleep on that counter you got another layer of skin?
SHEL
Not skin exactly. There’s just more me here. I’m a small fraction taller now than I was when I went to sleep.
GLORIA
That’s interesting.
AVA
Oh, that reminds me. Shel, come here.
SHEL
What’s up?
AVA
What does that say?
SHEL
“What is life? By Erwin Schrödinger.”
AVA
Huh. So you absorb written and verbal language.
SHEL
I guess so. What is this?
AVA
A book. You should read it.
SHEL
Okay. What’s it made of?
AVA
Don’t ask.
GLORIA
Shel let me show you everything, you my be here a while. There’s a truck stop shower in the bathroom, do you shower?
SHEL
Like, with water falling on you?
GLORIA
Yeah.
SHEL
It sounds nice, but there’s a new layer of me every day, so.
GLORIA
That’s actually super convenient.
SHEL
Maybe I will sometimes though, just for fun. To feel like I’m outside.
GLORIA
Yeah, okay.
SHEL
So Ava, you sleep here?
AVA
Yes, and no one else ever.
SHEL
And where… where do the box people sleep?
GLORIA
Oh Effie and Zebulon are already asleep. They sleep in their bed.
SHEL
They sleep in…
GLORIA
Come out back.
SFX: BACK DOOR OPENING.
SHEL
Uh… okay…
SFX: THE FLOW OF SPACE TIME GROWS LOUDER. BACK DOOR CLOSING.
GLORIA
So this is the back. There’s the dumpster where we throw the garbage, don’t ask me where it goes. And up here…
SFX: RATTLING OF A LADDER.
GLORIA (CONT'D)
…Is where Leif sleeps. Come say hi.
SHEL
Up there?
GLORIA
Yeah, come on.
SHEL
Gloria…
GLORIA
Yeah… I hear you. Watching the stars whip past you when you’re used to them sitting still is pretty weird. But, I used to get motion sickness in the car and I got used to this. So you’ll be fine. Come on.
SFX: CLIMBING LADDER.
SHEL
Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine.
GLORIA
Hey, Leif.
LEIF
Hey. Oh, hey Shel, how’re you doing?
SHEL
That depends, do I have to let go of this ladder?
GLORIA
Yes.
SHEL
Okay. Feeling not great.
LEIF
Here, have a seat.
SFX: FOLDING CHAIR.
SHEL
Thanks.
GLORIA
I’m showing Shel where everyone sleeps.
LEIF
Well, this is it. Welcome to Chez Leif. I sleep in that hammock over there. That’s my work bench and you are currently sitting in the living room.
SHEL
It’s nice. And also terrifying.
GLORIA
What are you working on, Leif?
LEIF
Ava wants to try an detect gravity waves for some reason so I’m trying to make a laser interferometer the size of a shoe box.
GLORIA
How big are they usually?
LEIF
The size of an observatory.
SHEL
Leif, I don’t understand. How can you possibly sleep under all this? It’s not terrifying?
LEIF
Oh, no. No way. I spent most of my life out here. It’s funny, any given universe, no matter how much is in it, it’s still mostly nothing. Light-years and light-years of nothing and yet for me? Feels like home.
GLORIA
So, Shel, Leif is a good person to talk to if you need some kind of thing.
SHEL
A thing?
GLORIA
Yeah. If you find yourself saying “you know what would be great, a thing that does this.” Then you should talk to Leif. Like this laser thermometer he’s making for Ava.
LEIF
I’m a thing maker.
SHEL
Nutrients.
LEIF
Come again?
SHEL
Nutrients. Just like there may not be a sun wherever we end up, the ground may be… whatever this stuff is that you guys walk on.
LEIF
Right. Because you don’t eat.
SHEL
I’m still not exactly clear on what eating is, but I’m starting to get a sense of it and I have to say, real disturbing, guys.
LEIF
I hear you. If I didn’t know what eating was and I saw someone eating I would be like “Dude, what are you doing with your face?”
SHEL
Exactly, thank you.
LEIF
So how do you absorb nutrients?
SHEL
My feet.
LEIF
Crazy. So you’re kind of plant adjacent.
SHEL
Sure.
LEIF
Cool cool cool cool. You know what, let’s not over complicate it: socks.
GLORIA
Socks?
LEIF
Yeah. I’ll whip up a batch of liquid fertilizer, you soak the socks in the liquid, then wear them at night. Boom.
SHEL
So, they’re things I wear on my feet?
LEIF
Yes. I’m assuming you need the usual stuff. Phosphorus, nitrogen, potassium?
SHEL
If that works for a plant that you know, it’ll probably work for me.
LEIF
Excellent. Now we just need a catchy name. Footilizer?
GLORIA
We can work on the name later, Leif.
LEIF
Sure.
GLORIA
We can go back down now, Shel.
SHEL
Oh good. Thank you.
SFX: CLIMBING DOWN LADDER.
LEIF
Hey Gloria, can we talk for a minute?
GLORIA
About what?
LEIF
About the fact that you want to go to war with The Teds?
GLORIA
Oh, that. No, we can’t.
LEIF
Gloria.
GLORIA
Remember how you said you had a problem dipping your toe in the water and never fully committing to something?
LEIF
Yeah.
GLORIA
I don’t have that problem. Get some sleep, Leif. Big day tomorrow.
SFX: CLIMBING DOWN LADDER.
SHEL
I’m never going to have to sleep up there, am I?
GLORIA
No, you’re fine.
SHEL
Great.
SFX: BACK DOOR OPENING.
GLORIA
Come this way, I’ll show you where to find me if it’s late. This is the kitchen.
SHEL
Did something just move?
GLORIA
It’s the Parmesan, don’t worry about it.
SFX: DOOR OPENING.
GLORIA (CONT'D)
This is where I sleep.
SHEL
It’s tiny but, I like it.
GLORIA
I figure this was probably the managers room. You’d use it for bookkeeping and stuff. But when you don’t charge for the food, nobody gets paid, and you don’t have to deal with vendors, there’s not much to do so they put a bed in here. It used to be Caspar’s then he gave it to me.
SHEL
Where did he sleep?
GLORIA
Behind the counter. Though he never really slept much.
SHEL
What’s all this stuff?
GLORIA
I’m a bit of a souvenir person. This is something called a buffalo nickel from 1934, this is a feather from a prehistoric turkey. This here is called a Thegroni Mourning Braid. This is a picture of all of us. This was on a planet called Neeso, apparently booze cruises exist on other planets.
SHEL
So that’s Caspar?
GLORIA
Yeah, that’s him.
SHEL
And who was he?
GLORIA
He hired me. He’s gone now. God knows where.
SHEL
And what’s that a picture of?
GLORIA
Oh, that’s Caesar. He’s my old sous-chef, that’s kind of like family. Those are his one-million kids. They kind of adopted me as their weird aunt.
SHEL
I bet they miss you.
GLORIA
Well, it depends. By the time I make it back to Earth it may be five minutes before I left. Then they wouldn’t miss me at all.
SHEL
I don’t understand.
GLORIA
Never mind. Long story. Anyway, if you ever need me at night, here’s where I’ll be.
SHEL
Okay. I think I need to get back under those lights.
GLORIA
Good idea.
SHEL
Thank you for all this. I’m still really scared but… I’m not alone anymore and that’s certainly an improvement.
GLORIA
I agree.
SHEL
Good night.
GLORIA
Night.
SHEL
Hey… I get really big.
GLORIA
You do?
SHEL
Yeah. That extra layer I add every night, it just keeps happening.
GLORIA
Uh, how fast does it happen?
SHEL
Really slowly. Don’t worry.
GLORIA
Ok. How big do you get?
SHEL
About ten times the size I am now.
GLORIA
Wow. Okay.
SHEL
I heard Leif calling me an “Ent” but I don’t know what that means.
GLORIA
Oh, God.
SHEL
Anyway, I just wanted to say… maybe I can protect you from something someday.
GLORIA
Sure. That sounds great. We could use some muscle around here. All we’ve got is brains.
SHEL
Okay. Goodnight, Gloria.
GLORIA
Goodnight.
SFX: DOOR CLOSING.
AVA
Can everyone stop moving around, please?
SHEL
Sorry… Leif’s making me socks.
AVA
What a guy.
SHEL
…
AVA
…
SHEL
Reading is interesting.
AVA
Isn’t it?
SHEL
Do you have any more of it?
AVA
…Yes.
SHEL
Could I-
AVA
Here. Read this out load to me. Bertrand Russell alway puts me to sleep.
SHEL
Okay. Start at the first thing?
AVA
Yes. The first thing.
SHEL
Okay, um… Metaphysics, or the attempt to conceive the world as a whole by means of thought, has been developed, from the first, by the union and conflict of two very different human impulses, the one urging men towards mysticism, the other urging them towards science. Some men have achieved greatness through one of these impulses alone, others through the other alone: in Hume, for example, the scientific impulse reigns quite unchecked, while in Blake a strong hostility to science co-exists with profound mystic insight. But the greatest men who have been philosophers have felt the need both of science and of mysticism: the attempt to harmonize the two was what made their life, and what always must, for all its arduous uncertainty, make philosophy, to some minds, a greater thing than either science or religion.
END.